Category Archives: Funny stuff

Bogus Belt of the Silly Nonsense

So we got ourselves some more shiny loot on Tuesday, as we cleared our way through Bastion of Twilight after a week of many kills and clearing everything up to Nefarian in Blackwing Descent. And I gotta say the raid loot in Cataclysm is a little funny all around..

Almost since week one, we’re sharding 25-30% of the drops. I don’t know if we’re just majorly unlucky (maybe my bad standing with Lady RNG is taking over the guild?) on repetitive drops, but it hurts to already be sharding gear this early into fresh content. Extra shards or not, it’s wrong!

Then, there are the oddly unbalanced loot tables and itemization. It seems Blizzard’s armor department had jolly good fun creating belts of all shapes and colors and headpieces for the expansion and totally forgot about creating more and better choices for other item slots maybe! As a priest healer, stuff like bracers, wands and main hand weapons for example, seem very hard to come by. Jewelry isn’t exactly being sold out on the streets of Stormwind either.
The current BiS staff for probably priests and druids alike (and I fear some DPS too) is a trash drop (!) in Bastion of Twilight. The alternative to that is….a staff from archeology! Riiiiight, do you see me getting that one?

And it’s not just that – have you noticed the names of some of these items? We had a laughing fit last raidnight in the healers channel, reading some of the names our supposedly epic drops of heroic awesomeness are carrying:

Scorched Wormling Vest

Ew! I don’t even wanna imagine how that looks like! Were they at least really shiny, epic wormlings that went into that chestpiece or are we talking gooey sewer dwellers?

Sky Strider Belt of the Faultline
Soul Breath Belt of the Feverflame
Belt of Absolute Zero

Absolute zero? Wait.. as in zero zero?? Really absolutely absolute zero???
And what’s with these clunky long-winded names: Sould Breath Belt of the Feverflame? Whoa, my tiny mind is boggling under the exercise!
And what on earth is Faultline? AM I PLAYING FOOTBALL AGAINST MY WILL NOW?

Gale Rouser Belt of the Undertow

Erm….help me out here English people: Undertow? Now, I know what this word means, in theory, but what exactly is this belt doing? Anyone?

Anyway, we ended up deciding that Bogus Belt of the Silly Nonsense really was as good a name as any for the items currently dropping in Bastion of Twilight and Co. Would you notice much if that belt dropped among Sky Strider Belt of the Faultline and Gale Rouser Belt of the Undertow? And can you say this last sentence 10 times in a row real fast?

Whose MMO am I playing here?

There are innumerable examples of such failed nomenclature to be found on current WoW loot tables. It makes me wonder whether the “naming department” over at Blizzard has been sent off to work out item names for Diablo and Starcraft, along with their music composers. Clumsy, far fetched name-giving like this is one reason why I chose to play the original version of WoW 6 years ago. Right now, it sounds as if English WoW has actually been translated, very badly, from somewhere else. Is the “real World of Warcraft” secretly in Chinese these days and we’re all just playing a bad translation?

Or maybe they’re just running out of ideas in a fantasy MMO. Now that’s not very comforting, is it? “BUT Syl! WoW has been there for 6 years, that’s thousands of ingame items, one can only come up with so many fantastic names!”

Really? I don’t think so. I can’t obviously prove it very well and send you a list of a couple of thousand item names, but I’ll just claim that if it was my job to design things such as these, I would still try and do a little better than some random fantasy-name generator on the internet!

Lady RNG hates me and I hate her right back!

Disclaimer: The following article contains an excessive amount of foul language. And loathing. Lots of loathing. Hide the kittens.

I am insanely frustrated with my loot luck at the moment. And I know what you must be thinking right now, “we’ve all been there” – but NO, you really haven’t. Trust me! On a scale of 1 to 10, my loot luck in WoW is a reliable infinitesimal. If there’s something I want real bad, it will absolutely take me ages to acquire, no matter how frequent everybody else claims the item’s dropping or how damn easy it supposedly is to farm. That is, if I’m going to get it at all: I have been known to return in the next expansion (yes I am looking at you, Staff of Immaculate Recovery!). I might have loot luck from hell but I got a persistence to match it.

I don’t know what it is with me and Lady RNG (to whom, by the by, I’m referring to in broad generalization for all that is random in WoW, for the nitpickers out there); somehow we’ve never been close friends. As far as I remember I’ve never stepped on her toes, but I’m starting to wonder if we’ve worn the same dress to the same party or something.
I probably should admit here, that I’m an excessive ‘google-scientist’: Yes I do google….everything! That starts with checking on why that headache I got since last Monday has a slight sting on the left part of my skull, just so I can properly freak myself out (OH NO, I HAVE CANCER!) and get scared shitless reading all the posts which the other self-diagnosing and totally not paranoid strangers out there have left on the subject, in some dodgy webforum (with animated gifs).

And really, it’s the same with wowhead comments and similar sites too: if you wanna get real miserable real fast, go and read just how lucky some people are with loot drops and how “easy peasy this dropped for me after 5 minutes”. Take courage from their words and dispair later. In his novel Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close, the brilliant Jonathan Safran Foer writes “…I’ve thought myself out of happiness one million times, but never once into it”. My personal equivalent to this goes: “I’ve googled myself out of happiness one million times, but never once into it!”

The immediate reason for my current discontent are the new Cataclysm minipets acquired through Archeology and also the Tol Barad fox pet that can be obtained by killing foxes on the northern half of Tol Barad Island. I don’t know how many damn holes I have dug all over Azeroth by now, but it’s not just that I haven’t gotten any pets yet when everyone else around me, including the crazy cat lady from Elwynn Forest probably, seem to have them by now – it’s that I’m getting NOTHING! As in nada, niente, rien, nichts.
Not a single rare so far, just common fragments enough to fill a museum of lousy fossils nobody would pay to see. And I hate archeology! It’s fucking boring!!! The pets are the only reason I’m putting up with this stupid shovel monotony, just like they’re the only reason for me to touch a fishing pole sometimes or a PuG (eeew..!). I don’t know how people could call this profession addictive. Oh look, the telescope is blinking faster now!…Oh, just get a real hobby already!

Also, I must have killed a thousand foxes or more and they’re not exactly swarming the area. Of course there are plenty of those lovely people on warcraftpets.com sharing their success with the other readers, letting them know just how quickly this dropped after only 30 minutes and how it’s really “not a hard pet to farm at all”. Oh really?! How about a nice cup of STFU with that fox kit?

Yeah, I’m talking myself into a bit of a rage here, bear with me. This is typically my stage three, which means I am somewhere between utter loathing and denial, but I definitely haven’t given up yet. That makes me wonder whether I’m the only WoW player out there with a psychological pattern for loot farming….it’s always the same emotional roller coaster for me – well, maybe you know it too.
Typically, when I start farming a so-called “rare drop” in WoW, I do some research first. Then, once I am properly convinced I know exactly where to go and how to best farm my object of desire, that little voice in my head will start to speak.

For the first 200 mobs or so, the voice goes something like this:

“It’s gonna be fiiiiine! People keep writing how easy this is to get, so I really shouldn’t take me too long. Doesn’t seem to be the rarest drop after all, yeah, an hour max I’d say. I can do that. It will drop tonight, I know it. Yay, go me! Lalalalaaa.”

Then at some point, between 250 and 300 kills, the voice starts taking a slightly edgier tone: 

“Easy drop, my ass. I can’t believe I’m still here! Hmmm…it should really drop any moment now, I can feel I’m getting closer! Must not miss a single mob now, every kill is crucial – I’m almost there, YESYES! Come on, my preciousss!”

Past the 500th kill, things start going downhill fast:

“WTF is this shit?! God damn those silly comments on wowhead, oh how I hate them all! I can’t believe they call this an easy drop..hahahaha…riiight! SRSLY? Same shit for me everytime, oh I hate this, I HATE Blizzard!! Is that orc mage just killing my fox over there?!”

Stage 4 is typically the denial stage.
It’s also where utter loathing meets humiliation and where I start bargaining with Lady RNG, as silly as that sounds (it sounds a little bit like Calvin’s letters to Santa). And just like Calvin, I’m also giving reverse psychology a shot, because y’know, you can totally coerce and trick randomness: 

“Ahh, I don’t even care anymore! That’s right, just dont drop you piece of shit, I couldn’t care less! Am just killing a few more before going to bed now, and I know it won’t drop – so, watch me prove my point! My loot luck sucks, just like I always say!! &!*(&ç”*)%* /doom !!!

That’s right, I’m actually challenging the arbitrary as if it was some sort of fate. Doesn’t make any sense at all? Won’t stop me. I detest luck in WoW just like in real life: I’m a maker. I don’t know how to lose even though I’m good at saving grace (losing is one thing, being a bad loser is utter fail). The truth is, I absolutely hate failing and I’ll do anything to avoid it. Fortuna however, is laughing in my face; I am utterly helpless there (and frustrated….and spiteful….and sulky).
So usually, after stage 4 or approximately 4 hours of focus-farming, I throw in my towel – for the day. I will return of course, to repeat the silliness from stage one just like Sisyphus and his rock (I bet he hated archeology too). God, I hope I’m not the only WoW player with a little voice up there…surely you got your own weirdo mechanisms to deal with shitty loot luck in MMOs? Anybody??

A prayer to Her Fickleness

This time around, I’ve  also resorted to some more extreme measures (no, not the special rain dance, I’m way past that). I figured if Lady RNG hates me so, a little extra effort can’t hurt, heck nothing hurts at this point! So I remembered that Tam and Chas over at Righteous Orbs have this shrine where Lady RNG is basically y’know living, and where common folk can go and offer their prayers and donations to appease the will of the fickle deity. How handy! It appears the shrine has been somewhat deserted of late, in fact Rhii was the last person to pay Lady RNG a visit back in October 2010. Maybe that’s why she’s in such a foul mood (Lady RNG, not Rhii)?

Anyway, I paid my respects there and gave her a little heads up on my situation. And since it can never hurt to say the same prayer twice, here it goes:

Dear Lady of the R-N-Gee
(I’m not sure you’re still listening to these, but here’s my plea:)
I’ve been trying to get these pets for a while,
Y’know to get my collection in style.
I’m really not much of a collector in WoW,
But them minipets, I just need them, NAO!
I’ve killed foxes in Tol Barad, a thousand or two,
Yet the fox pet wont drop – what have I done to you??
I’ve dug holes across Azeroth, enough for Swiss cheese,
And yet nothing I found there, you’re so hard to please!
Oh, and that ooze in Felwood, you never dropped it for me,
Nor the phoenix in pink elf land, how cruel can you be?
It’s Cataclysm now, that means change, amiright?
So, how about being a little less tight?
All I’m asking for is a pet or three,
So how about you stop hating me??
I’m not a bad person, I’m not greedy, not rich,
NOW WILL YOU GIEF ME MY LOOT ALREADY YOU……WITCH!!!
/gently place poppy flower on the altar

 
Wish me luck folks, I’ll need it.

25man blues, Holy goodness, oh noes I look like Aladdin, Critternation, I still don’t PuG and community highlights

I’ve been wanting to produce one of those ‘incredibly long topic list’-titles like Spinks does so well for a long time now and today I finally got the chance. That’s another goal for 2011 out of the way, go me!

25man blues 

Times are being so-so in WoW at the moment; it appears that 25man raid guilds have pretty much disppeared from the face of the earth which makes recruitment for Adrenaline a bit of a MAJOR PITA right now. We assumed it was gonna be harder in Cataclysm, but by now I’m amazed how Blizzard has managed to kill off the 25man mode so completely and it’s not just happening on our server. It makes me sad and wonder if people really do only raid for loot…What happened to more epic scale battles? Or is the hassle of trying to coordinate a stable 25man team just too much work for people nowadays? That second reason I can understand at least. All that said, I miss you 40man WoW! We will see what happens, I guess.

Raiding goodness

On the bright side, Adrenaline first raidweek has been very successful, 4 bosses went down for us in BoT and BWD and also: holy is officially awesome! While we really didn’t look so great in the new heroics, holy priests still rock the raidhealing boat and there’s lots of holy love to be shared in these new encounters. I’m not surprised to see PoH get a minor nerf soon; it’s already very powerful and my mastery rating isn’t even very high yet. All in all we got some really sweet patches incoming (Chakra, SoL, CoH) and the slight nerfs to PoH and our regen will matter little in the long run, even if we might feel them right now.

I got my first epic loot drop too and…oh noes, I look like Aladdin! The matching carpet was the obvious consequence. Matching dress and shoes – so last season!

“A whole new woooorld…”
(and I’d still rather be sitting, srsly!)

Critternation

In other news, I have successfully coerced enough of our guildies to join me on a 50k CDSC (critter death squad campaign) this last Sunday – finally my subtle convincing attempts paid off.  It took us approximately 8 clears of Terrorweb Tunnel in Eastern Plaguelands which is swarming with bugs and spiders aplenty. We had jolly good fun on ventrilo, even if most of us realized later on that we can’t buy the armadillo pup yet, lol!
If anyone of you is looking to get this achievement done with his guild soon, I can really recommend that spot.  Respawn time is every 3-4ish minutes and easily adds another 5k+ to that body count in a raid of 15 people. The more you are, obviously the faster you’ll be. And no bunnies or squirrels involved, promise!

Community highlights and another guest post

The WoW healing community has been spilling over with the whole “healing heroics, yay or nay”-topic these past few weeks and I’ve been following many articles with great interest, especially one by Ophelie where she tells us how healers can make a difference in PuGs. I’m always amazed to read how fellow healers still put up with the LFG madness in Cataclysm….I can’t say I do (I know, it must come as a shock to you) and so naturally, I had to share how much of a difference I’m not making:

Watch me NOT healing any PuGs over @ World of Matticus where Matt has been so kind to publish another one of my articles (and not just that, I’ve officially gotten my own mugshot on the page, how cool is that?). I had great fun writing it and I’ve tried to include all the related and inspiring articles I came across myself before (though I clearly failed to mention them all), so you might find yourself link-loved!
Judging by some of the reactions and also a look around the blogosphere this morning, the topic will definitely keep WoW healers and bloggers occupied for a while to come.

Another highlight of the week were definitely also Larísa’s PPI Awards for 2010, so in case you missed her great summary of what’s been hot and steaming around WoW and the blogging community in 2010, there’s your chance to catch up! A very detailed and informative read with many great nominations and well-deserved winners, and this silly blogger here even got mentioned too. I can’t say more than thanks to everyone who might have mentioned my articles or this blog, thank you so very much indeed whoever you might be, the bloggers linking us and all our regular readers (you’re sure this is the blog you’re meaning to read, right? just checking!). It’s a great joy to have been included.

Now let the weekend come, it’s already been the perfect week. Congratulations again to all winners and enjoy your weekend everybody! ^^

Priests, the great manipulators

[Alternative title: The truth about why people choose to play a priest in WoW]

“May be that you are a tank in WoW, mighty shield-bearer and wrestler of foes. May be that you play a melee class, trained to duel and trick the enemy in close combat. Might be that you command the will of fire and frost to drive the crowds before you, or that you chant dark rituals under a waxing moon. Or you might be a healer, drawing upon the blessing of the light, bestowing nature’s greatest gift on those in dire need.

But you are naught compared to me. 
I am the all-powerful Priest!
The special powers I was given surpass my greatest talents, my healing’s warm embrace and my worst shadow’s doom. I am not one of you – I am the bender, the pretender. All things tremble under my will!

You cannot hide from me.
No matter where you are, I’ll find you.
No matter where you run, I’ll follow. My /target reaches wide and far.
If you slack during a corpserun, I’ll see it. If you get lost on your way back, I’ll guide you.
If you think you can disappear with that flag, you think wrong.
I AM WATCHING YOU!
And there’s nothing you can do about it. Well, not much anyway.
[/cast Mindvision]

Resistance is futile.
If I catch you off guard, I’ll intrude your body and mind.
I’ll take your strengths and abilities and I will use them against you.
I’ll turn you on your allies while you’re watching, I’ll play you like a puppet on a string.
Nobody breaks your defenses down like I do.
Nobody steals your agency and power so completely.
YOU ARE MINE!
[/cast Mind Control]

You cannot escape me.
If you run away, I’ll command you back to me.
If you linger for too long, I’ll make you move.
Just like the Deathknight grabs his foe, I’ll grab my ally.
I might catch you before you fall – I might turn on you.
I might save you from burning – I might let you burn.
IF HERE IS WHERE I WANT YOU, HERE YOU SHALL BE!”
[/cast Leap of Faith]

[/open parenthesis]
Priests in World of Warcraft are second to none when it comes to tools of manipulation or heteronomy. A tank might stun his target, a rogue might sap it for a while, a mage might sheep, a druid might root – just like a priest can shackle or fear or chastize. CCs are very limited in WoW, easily countered and not further controllable by those employing them.
A hunter might use Farsight just like a warlock has Eye of Kilrogg, but none of these spells impose on another player in the same way Mindvision can serve priests as a spying tool.

Is…this…reality?

Nobody breaks so literally into another player’s privacy like priests, to the point where their very own avatar is no longer theirs to command. The few times I have been MCed in battlegrounds, I’ve felt immensely annoyed and bewildered; it almost feels like a violation when some stranger takes over you character, controls it and presses buttons on your spellbar. It’s not a program doing this, it’s not an NPC as part of a quest: you’re being controlled by another player. There is a real, breathing person somewhere out there sat at his PC, commanding or monitoring my character – WHO ARE YOU? 
[/close parenthesis]

“I am your big brother, I’m watching you.
I am the possesser, I’m turning you.
I am the commander, I’m catching you when I please.”

I am a Priest – the great manipulator.
[God I love priests!]

The LFG Fail

I’m working at this wonderfully relaxed place now where a large portion of my work consists of running errands for others and taking care of correspondence and where nobody only shows up for work because his parents forced him to. I got my own little office and when I started off in December, our IT support told me to “make sure you’re installing Skype”. The entire company is handling their everyday communication over Skype – how cool is that? I get to be online there all day long and I’ve totally not added a single one of my buddies to my contact list…

Anyways, correspondence. When you’re writing several E-Mails in a row to reply to some business associate or contact, the mind switches off at the oddest times (or maybe it’s just my mind which is an entirely valid possibility). Most business is done in English and so I’m taking care to honor the code and include all those nifty, standard greeting and closing formulas, à la “Please do not hesitate to contact us if you need further information” or “Please find enclosed…” and so forth. Corporate language, I has it.

In between handling those letters, I also get to send a lot of short notes or reminders to my co-workers which are frequently in different languages, namely German or French. And that’s when it happened.
When you’re writing more casual types of Emails to friends or colleagues in German, it’s pretty standard to use acronyms like ‘LG’ (liebe Grüsse) or ‘MFG’ (mit freundlichen Grüssen) to replace “kind regards” as a closing line. This has even made its way into more formal letters by now, depending on what the subject is or for how long correspondents have known each other. So naturally, when I was asked to send a short request for booking confirmation out on a workmate’s behalf a few days ago, I didn’t hesitate to end the Email in that way (you need to assume this would have been in German):

[actual message here]

Please contact me if you require any further information.

LFG, Silly Goof

LFG…
I actually wrote LFG!
A splitsecond after sending that Email (figures), I realized it.

/facepalm

And I know why of course: I spent a large portion of my free ‘blogging and blog-reading time’ this week on reading about Cataclysm’s 5man runs, the fail and glory of them, especially in regard to being a healer. There will also be a contribution of my own to that topic pretty soon, so MY BRAIN IS IN LFG MODE!

It’s days like these when you realize you’re having enitrely too many thoughts on WoW. Have a good weekend everybody and be careful on those heroic runs!

How to track down an Orc mage

I guess most of you have had some guild achievements flashing up on your screen the past weeks since Cataclysm launched and maybe you’ve shared my feeling of “wut? what happened there?”, followed by trying to find out who did what exactly and what reward the guild might have got.

The new guild perks system is a double-edged blade: not only due to the guild size issue, but overall it feels very underwhelming to see flashy pop-ups coming up ever so often, without having been part of anything – frankly the guild part of the achievement is lost on me there. I know I’m not alone in this, many guildies feel excluded when one, dedicated “achievement hunting team” goes out on the very first days of the expansion to get as many guild achievements as possible and while the rewards are for everybody, it doesn’t feel like a group effort at all.
That said, I don’t nearly care enough about achievements to whine about it and most of them don’t come with noticeable rewards either (the really big part is guild ranks and mass effort achis), but I simply don’t think Blizzard implemented the system very well.

I’ve only just started to explore the new guild tab in the achievement window a few days ago, mostly to check which of them actually come with something useful. Now, as a pet collector I’d love to get the Armadillo Pup, but that one is far away still with our 10k kills out of 50k total. We’re not the biggest guild and I also suspect there’s a natural resistance in many to go and hunt down fluffy bunnies and squirrels! For those among you, here’s a little motivator.

Tracking down the elusive orc mage

Killing horde on the other hand – works fine for most. I’m certainly not shy to PvP and I always enjoyed the achievements that require you to hunt down certain class-race combinations in WoW, either to slay them or put bunny ears on their heads or whatever (see how there is darkness and light inside me!). As a priest especially, you’ve got awesome tools for this kind of mission. So, when I realized that all our guild was missing for the Horde Slayer Achievement was an orc mage, I decided to have a look around AV – it couldn’t be so hard, surely…

…Riiight! Apparently orc mages are the least popular class-race combination ever on horde side. I’m not sure why that is, whether it’s racials or the fact that orcs are generally associated with being “brutes”, so not exactly the educated smart or spiritual kind. The WoW census is rather clear on this: counting all EU servers together a baffling 2%-3% of all horde mages are orcs, already less than there are goblin mages. That’s even worse than the percentage of dwarf rogues on alliance side – honestly, would you rather see an orc in cloth or a hairy dwarf in leather? Anyway.

It took me several nights to finally spot an orc mage in AV and I gotta say, I felt a little sorry for the guy! Having your face on a wanted poster all over an entire battlegroup – NOT FUN! Bad times for orc mages. But then, the system is enforcing this really, because you can’t get the achievement done by killing anything less than a lvl 85, so arranging for an alternative of your own quickly isn’t an option.

Well then, if you happen to be a priest and are looking to do this guild achievement, here’s how to do it the BG way (and I promise you won’t have to PvP any more than absolutely needed):

  • Queue for an AV and once inside, browse the BG chart to check whether there are any orc mages in. If not and you absolutely hate to PvP, /afk out and repeat in 15mins.
  • Once you’ve spotted your orcish friend, create a /target + name macro to make sure you spot him right away on the battlefield.
  • Follow the main rush and stay in midfield on Field of Strife. This is where most alliance and horde cross in the beginning and there’s a very high chance your orc mage will be among them. Spam your target-macro at all times.
  • Once you got your target, follow the horde rush at a distance and try to spot the player to see where he’s going. It might prove tricky, so what you want to do now is to retreat to a safe spot quickly and throw a mindvision before you’ve lost him. 
  • After you’ve located him, track him down and keep a focus on him to see whether he’s already in combat, winning or dying (in which case he will release at the closest horde GY). Throwing a DoT is enough to get the kill count if he’s already battling someone else. If you have to take him on 1vs1, good luck!

I was lucky because in my case the orc mage was on his way to Stonehearth Bunker and already engaged in a flag fight when I arrived. He was at 50% health and too surprised at my arrival to react, so a quick Penance and SW:Death finished the job. And I realize just how this sounds – I’m really sorry Dag-something, Blizzard made me do it!

On the bright side, we got the guild achievement and with it comes the Guild Page companion which is actually quite useful for non-collectors too: it’s your very own mobile vendor and allows you to clear all the trash from your bags during questing which is rather handy at the moment. Unfortunately he only lasts for 5 mins and is on an 8 hour cooldown, just like the other guild vendor items……/facepalm

Anyway, should you get tired of questing or heroics sometime, give PvP achievements a go, they’re actually a fun distraction and you do not need a PvP kit either to get them, especially in AV. The tracking tactic obviously works for any class-race combination you might be after. For the Alliance – For the Horde! Enjoy your weekend and a happy New Year from Raging Monkeys everybody!

World of Warcraft Hats

When I was chatting with friends in guild chat the other night, the topic was collector mania in WoW. Most gamers I know collect something, be it mounts, pets, tabards, achievement points, titles or recipes. For me, it’s pets and dresses – my bank alt has no less than 2 guildtabs full of rare and special WoW vanity outfits. I’m not much of a ‘handbag and shoes’ person in real life, but ingame I enjoy collecting robes, with the odd matching headpiece or shoulder item.

So when a guild mate asked me how many special hats I actually have, I had to go check. Funky headpieces aren’t exactly easy to come by in WoW even though things have gotten a lot better since vanilla (hello ugly headbands). Some more interesting models are either gear class- or profession-exclusive or drop from longer questlines or dungeons, like the Goblin Rocket Helmet.

However, if you’re looking for an easy way to be fashionable or that hat for the special occasion, here’s my pick of 15 special WoW hats everyone can have! Most of them are relatively easy to obtain via farming, holiday quests or checking the auction house, none of them are class – or faction-exclusive! A few share model with another item or two, but my picks should be the easiest way to go.

Since I am heartbroken over seeing goblinettes go to the horde in Cataclysm, I’ve put all hats on display on a female goblin – all images are expandable.

Admiral’s Hat [BoE / green / no lvl]
The Admiral’s Hat can be crafted by a tailor who picks up the recipe in Stranglethorn Vale.
With this royal hat you’re not only captain of the a ship’s crew, but grant everyone in your party a stamina buff – how cool is that?

First Mate Hat [BoE / green / lvl 35]
A rare drop from Stranglethorn Vale, this item can usually be picked up from the AH if you don’t feel like farming yourself. Prices on my server vary from 1’000 gold upwards. One of my favourite hats, pirates ftw! You want to combine this item with a swashbuckler outfit and classic parrot companion!

Battered Jungle Hat [no bind / white / no lvl]
Obtained via various fishing dailies, this stylish hat is usually up on the AH for a reasonable price and is the perfect finish for all your black outfits. This hat seems particularly popular with bank alts for some reason!

Chef’s Hat [BoP / blue / no lvl]
A must for every dedicated cook, this hat can be picked up from the cooking supplier in Dalaran for 100 cooking awards which makes this the most time-intense of all my hat picks. The model is unique and comes with a cooking speed bonus. Must combine with Cookie’s Tenderizer and any flavour of fish offhand!

Blood Elf Bandit Mask [no bind / white / lvl 5]
Dropped by blood elf bandits on Azuremyst Isle, this elaborately patterned headpiece is one of only a few roguey masks in the game that come without armor class restrictions. It’s usually found on the AH and combines very well with Lunar Festival finery.

Hallowed Helm [BoP / blue / no lvl]
The Hallowed Helm is a random drop from the Headless Horseman during Hallow’s End. While this item might require some more dedicated farming, it is not super rare and definitely worth getting! Accompany by Sinister Squashling for the perfect spook effect!

Red Winter Hat / Green Winter Hat [BoP / green / no lvl]
Both of these Christmas hats can be obtained by killing designated 5man dungeon bosses on either normal or heroic during the Winter Veil holiday. Matching outfits in red and green can be crafted by tailors (patterns are available in Ironforge and Ogrimmar, the NPCs will sell to both factions).

Spring Circlet [BoP / white / no lvl]
One of the more controversial items in the game, the bunny ears are a funny looking and unique model headpiece. Buy this for 50 chocolates during the Noblegarden Easter holiday or get lucky by opening Brightly Colored Eggs. Best combined with Elegant Dress or Festive Pink Dress and a Bouquet of Spring Flowers.

Crown of the Fire Festival [BoP / white/ no lvl]
Coming by a floating halo model is not the easiest undertaking for non-priests in WoW. This crown comes with a funky blazing fire effect and is the quest reward to A Thief’s Reward during the Midsummer Fire Festival. Great to combine with the rest of the midsummer regalia sold during the holiday.

Brewfest Hat [BoP / white / no lvl]
The Brewfest Hat comes in 4 colors and is sold for 50 tokens during the Brewfest holiday. It’s part of a 3-item set and the next best thing after actual holidays in Bavaria. Needless to say, this outfit goes hand in hand with an authentic Brewfest Stein.

Haliscan Brimmed Hat [BoP / white / no lvl]
An equivalent model to Don Carlos’ Famous Hat, this item requires you to complete the quest Nice Hat picked up in Tanaris. Unlike the blue heroic drop, this is a guaranteed reward but doesn’t come with a shiny coyote as companion. Matching Haliscan Jacket and Pantaloons can be crafted by tailors – Ay, caramba!

Authentic Jr. Engineer Goggles [no bind / white / no lvl]
While almost all engineering crafted goggles in the game have profession requirements, this pair is your easiest shot at a smart look without the need to quest. Engineers can craft this for cheap materials and no other goggles will make you “appear more gifted and attractive” just like these!

Noble’s Monocle [no bind / white / no lvl]
Your top choice for the distinguished air, the Noble’s Monocle is a cheap random drop from fishing dailies and usually sold for a reasonable price on the AH. Apparently jewelcrafters can now also learn to craft blue quality monocles in Cataclysm, in case you shouldn’t be able to find this anywhere.

Sorcerer Hat of… [BoE / green / lvl 41]
Not actually a ‘special’ hat, I still keep a blue Sorcerer Hat of Frozen Wrath in my collection for that authentic, goofy witch look. The hats come in various colors and drop randomly over Azeroth, so picking one up on the AH really isn’t hard. Combine with a matching robe, add a sparkly wand or broom and black cat for full effect!

Pilgrim’s Hat [BoP/ white / no lvl]
This hat is obtainable via daily quests during the Pilgrim’s Bounty holiday, along with matching chest pieces and shoes. The modelviewer doesn’t seem to like this hat on goblins for some reason. Combine with a Farmer’s Broom and cook your turkey nice and crisp over a fire! For the holiday-resistant, a possible alternative might be found on the AH.

I hope you enjoyed my pick of WoW hats! There’s certainly many more, but these items are obtainable for everyone without too much hassle (patience might be a requirement here and there). I would love to write a guide on special dresses sometime, but these lists are such a time-consuming project and it will probably take weeks deciding on what dresses to pick as there are just way too many! That said, I won’t dismiss the idea entirely!

As for hats, I’ve already set my eyes on the fabulously looking High Society Top Hat , a blue tailoring item from Cataclysm whose source apparently is still unknown, argh! If you happen to know where this is from or if you’ve already discovered any more special items of this kind, be sure to let me know – I always love finding out about new items! =)

P. S. Gief earlaps Blizzard!

Raidguilds with entry fees

The social structure that is guilds has come a long way in the history of online gaming. If we take World of Warcraft as an example, which is handy since the game has been around and evolved for a longer period now, we can see the same has happened on Azeroth – the founding of guilds is as frequent as ever, but the reasons why they are joined and the ways they are run have changed gradually over time, as a consequence of the game changing. There’s a vast variety of guilds these days, catering to every imaginable playstyle. There’s true ‘professional guilds’ and there’s guilds with all sorts of requirements. The other week I read about the rise of a ‘super guild’ on World of Matticus, a new form of guild that has sprung from Blizzard’s featured guild perks system for Cataclysm.

If I think back on the early days of my own server, there was only a handful of 40man raidguilds around. If you wanted to raid seriously, there was a limited choice and we all knew each other on that block, just as you generally knew your opponents in a battleground as a more frequent PVPer (which made for many a fun interlude at Xroads). There were hardly any so-called ‘casual raidguilds’. There were far less non-raiding guilds than today and there was certainly a lot less going on in terms of public chat pugs and lose alliances.

My very first raidguilds also had a rather modest structure and set of requirements and guidelines in place, compared to the well-oiled business machinery run by many guilds these days. Officer teams were chaotic bunches more often than not, recruitment happened in much more legère a fashion and if you wanted to raid on Thursday night, the way to sign up was to be there on time.

Oh yes, we’ve come a long way with our guild organisation; with our lootrules and raid calendars, our recruitment procedures and attendance monitors, guild ranks and officer departments. In Adrenaline we make use of all these options and more. Over the years, Blizzard has introduced more tools to help guilds organize and monitor themselves better. I can certainly say that the implementation of guild banks for example was a huge relief to all the officers out there, used to re-logging constantly to some guild mule.

Another change that has evolved over the years in WoW, is a guild’s need for security. Almost all of us have had at least a guildmate or two who’s account’s been compromised in the past. Even worse, many guilds (ours included) have experienced their guild bank raided because a member and/or officer has been hacked. Using a login authenticator has become pretty much standard in WoW’s community, even if some still resist (for what I personally find very weak reasons) to get one attached to their account.

The other day, Alas wrote an article about an officer guild-quitting on her, because of her guild’s authenticator requirement for raiders. It’s not unfrequent for guilds to have safety requirements like this today – but she goes on to ask the more fundamental question of “how far can guild requirements go?” without becoming unreasonable.
Personally I believe that the sky is the limit. Guilds are always about joint ventures and just like it’s up to every guild leadership to decide on their own type of guild and guidelines, it’s your freedom to join or leave a guild that is not to your liking or found a guild of your own. If there is enough people interested in a certain type of guild, chances are such a guild will be created.

We might have a hard time thinking out of the box right now, but if we look at the long way guilds and online communities have come, I wonder how their structure is going to evolve from here: how are things going to look like in a world like Azeroth, 10 years from now? What procedures and requirements might future guilds employ?

Paying for membership

I have an aunt and uncle who love to golf. They’re average middle-class citizens, they don’t own a house of their own and they only drive one car which is 15 years old. They might go on a short vacation every other year, but that’s about as much as they can afford. Pretty standard where I live, one of the so-called richest countries in the world.
In order to find a shared hobby for their retirement, one that allows them to be together outdoors and be active without the ability to hike or run marathons anymore, they settled for their mutual wish to take up golfing together – a much more difficult endeavor for two average people like them, than meets the eye.

The few golf clubs available around here are the same as pretty much everywhere: damn expensive to join. For those of you that might not be aware of this system, the majority of playgrounds like that are not public and come with entry fees and membership fees of several thousand euros, ranging from 5000-10’000 per year, up to more astronomical numbers such as 50’000 euros and more. Entry fees do not include yearly membership, nor any further services or equipment – they’re only payed for well, entry.

A big stash for ‘normal’ people. A reason to say fuck golfing maybe and look into mini-golf. Certainly a reason to go vote and prevent more of these places to pop up and claim public spaces and wildlife habitats. But I’ll leave the snidy side-remarks at that because I really don’t want to talk about the sense or non-sense that is a few select ones claiming leagues and leagues of public countryside for themselves and their private leisure, pushing out all other people and animals alike (not to mention the gazillion galleons of precious water required to maintain the supple lawns every week), to mingle in exclusive country clubs because life is so hard and they really need some luxury every now and then to relax in peace. Ooops, have I already done it now? Oh well, there’s only so much quiet sufferance I got in me, and it’s Julian-week after all.

The logic behind golf club policy is of course most comprehensible: they’re about exclusiveness as much as the need to limit the number of visitors in order to maintain the courses and keep them a clean and quiet experience. You can’t and don’t want to have places like that crowded by hundreds of people. The high maintenance costs a lot of money and you want things to be profitable after all – none of that is possible if you opened it to a wider audience who’s never gonna spend cash in the same way, while ruining the whole point. Also, many golf clubs around here do business with the excess money, investing into financial projects and so forth.

The business model works for the ones running it and their clients alike: both parties get what they want from the deal.

The guild with the entry fee

In the year 2012, Leprechaun, an imaginary tauren warrior from the imaginary Stormglade EU server, is the founder and GM of an ambitious raidguild called -Decadence-Decadence is safely established among Europe’s top 5 raid progression guilds and home to a force of 45 regular raiders with a 99% attendance or more. 
The guild runs a strict raiding schedule and transparent guidelines, monitored by a very dedicated staff of officers who look after all the guild’s needs 24/7. Joining Decadence is rather simple: willingness to commit to all raid nights, profound knowledge of your class and game mechanics (yadda yadda) and: submitting a membership fee of 60’000 gold upon joining.

When Decadence set out with this unique recruitment requirement, they were initially met with an outrage in their thread on Stormglade’s public forums. By now, the guild is one of the most respected and favoured places to be in their battlegroup. Raiders are switching servers only to get a shot at a trial in Decadence. One more notorious rumor tells a story about a smaller raidguild’s former GM, who disbanded his own guild and sold off the entire guild bank, in order to be able to submit the membership fee.

During this time, Leprechaun has been accused of being an elitist and worse by many haters, as much as being praised a genius by his own guild mates and fans all across other servers. In an interview with MMO-Reportz.com, he had the following things to say about Decadence’ unique approach to recruitment:

“At some point the number of applications was just too overwhelming to deal with. This was on the brink of hitting EU’s top 10. The officers were working all around the clock and our guild’s expenses skyrocketed in order to support our swift progression and minimize our members’ need to spend time on farming for mats and consumables.
In Decadence, we provide for everyone: everything is guild funded and free, down to individual playstyle / consumables, repairs and extra gear sets. All of this is funded through membership fees and business done with it.”

“We felt that with the 60’000 gold entry fee we were killing two birds with one stone: a smaller selection of recruits who put in the extra effort of depositing a reasonable sum of money the guild needs in order to function.

“We don’t believe the amount of gold is too high; if anything, it shows a member is dedicated and knowledgeable enough to farm this kind of money in the game. It’s not hard to come by in my opinion, at least not if you’re playing a lot. And that’s the sort of players we want to attract.”

“We’re furthering the goldseller business – are you serious? [laughs] Now that’s a pretty ludicrous claim, in my opinion!  Decadence is a small guild after all, we hardly influence this kind of global enterprise. Also, the types of raiders we attract are probably not the kind of casual players that are more likely to struggle with gold in the game.”

“Asking everyone for the same deposit makes our members feel they’re contributing in the same way, it’s an even share among everybody. Already upon joining, this allows new recruits to feel they are actively partaking in Decadence and have a ‘right to be here’. This is easing them into becoming an established part of the guild. In return, our members get a unique and all-inclusive guild experience. Decadence is run professionally and provides for all our raiders’ needs without any further guild requirements that other raid guilds have, such as donations or material farming. Even our excess loot is evenly distributed, rather than hoarded by us. I don’t see how our policies are so much worse from other guilds, we’re simply doing it differently.”

“We provide our raiders with the experience they’re looking for. In return, we use entry fees to do guild business and ensure a smooth progression. Besides that, members leaving us are eligible to a refund of a 50% of the initial sum. This is an additional security for us in terms of guild drama: we don’t have rage-quitting in Decadence. People treat a guild very differently if their own money has been invested. And a potential refund makes for much more amicable parting, we have learned.” [chuckles]

I admit that while my initial reaction to the membership fee was very critical, much of that if not all has been dispersed through the course of the interview. There is a solid logic behind this guild model: it allows the guild to function the way it does and there’s a few very interesting pros in Leprechaun’s reasoning. His points on members sharing ‘ownership’ and including newcomers straight away for example, makes a lot of sense to me. So does his point on guild drama, as sad as it might be. The 60’000 gold fee is a measure of security for Decadence and it provides members with services in return.
The only ones that really get excluded are those unwilling or unable to make such a deposit – but then these players would probably not be able to commit to such a raid agenda anyway (much less want to).

I don’t think Decadence is different or necessarily more elitist than other guilds: it is just one joint venture among others, catering to one type of raider. And unlike the golf club analogy, it does not harm anyone else by its exclusivity which is probably the most important part.

What does the future hold?

I can definitely see more evolved ‘business models’ like this hypothetical one, exist in the future of online guilds. There are already enough signs out there, maybe there’s even a few raidguilds around already that require deposits of this sort. Guilds are here to stay and as long as MMOs continue to grow, guilds will follow that progress and become more professionalized, with more elaborate concepts and membership requirements. I guess you can like that or not, but then the freedom of choice is still yours.
Would you pay to join the ‘perfect guild’, if it enhanced your gaming experience? I don’t see why not.

The Traveler’s Logbook, Part II: Secrets of Gilneas

Last week I started a two-part report on my adventures around Azeroth post-Shattering, deciding to dedicate some time to Thousand Needles and Gilneas. I’m enjoying to write these reports immensely and have been very eager since to continue my tale on the worgen starting area which holds a special place in my heart among my favorite maps of WoW. So without much further ado, let me pick up where I left the trail last week and present the second part of the traveler’s logbook about the secrets I discovered in this lovely place! As before, this is meant to be a sneak peek and all snapshots are expandable.

Chapter 1: Of sheep and interior decoration

Traveler’s logbook, November 30th, the year of the Shattering.
The most striking impression upon setting foot in Gilneas for the first time, is that this zone is so, so much England. Heavy rain is pouring down relentlessly and there’s a gray mist settling over the grassy landscape and more highland areas all across the zone. Every now and then you chance upon certain rock formations that will take your memories right back to that time you spent in Somerset and northern Britain. And while the fauna in Gilneas is rather scarcely spread, there’s one animal gracing the landscape before all others: sheep. If that’s not enough to make a northerner’s heart beat a little faster in his chest, then maybe the spooky atmosphere in Gilneas’ medieval towns will be able to.



Keel Harbor to the west of the city of Gilneas, is an astonishing example of how much work was put into the design of the entire zone: never have I encountered such lavish decoration inside and outside of town buildings in all of Azeroth! While the towns all appear deserted to my human eyes and there is no life to be found inside their walls, I have discovered some of the most well-tended and charming homes on my way.

Most tempted was I to linger in these beautiful homes. Yet natural instinct told me not to taste any drink nor to steal food from the tables.

After breaking myself free of their spell, my curiosity turned me towards Greymane Manor, looming through the mists across the western hills. The way west however was blocked by a firm formation of hills as the only street leading up the manor leads out of Gilneas city. Having just passed down south to Alderic’s Repose however, I found myself in the unfortunate position of being cut off from reaching the city as the bridge crossing over presently lies in ruins. There was however another path.

They really do love their sheep here.

 Chapter 2: The secret passage

Officially, there are four entrances into the city of Gilneas. However, having investigated all the buildings in the area so thoroughly, I found myself chancing upon a secret passage in the cellar of one of the home’s located at Alderic’s Repose. The hair on the back of my neck stood erect as I took courage to follow the dark and spooky corridor…

…taking me directly into the heart of the city. At this point I will not go into further descriptions of this delightful place where the fires are ablaze and bustling leaves are driving down dark cobblestone streets, lest you be tempted to skip the experience first-hand. The music in Gilneas is most formidable too; the deep voice of the bassoon and spooky ring of a spinet greet the weary adventurer, doing nothing to ease his mind.


Back on track, I left the city behind me heading for Greymane Manor. I did not let myself be deceived by an off-limits way sign halfway through the journey and made my way up after taking a considerable detour.

The manor was everything I expected and more: home to Genn Greymane, it is an exquisite place of rich taste and splendor. Feeling oddly out of place, I hastened on to leave it behind me.

Chapter 3: An unexpected party

I finished my tour around the zone by crossing Stormglen Village and paying the Schwarz…forgive me, the Blackwald a visit. Much to my dismay, there was no cake to be found here which convinced me not to overstay my welcome and head straight for Silverpine Forest up north. Upon leaving Gilneas, I stumbled into a most curious camp at the Silverpine border, named “Beren’s Peril“. There were bears roaming the area and I found these two fellows sitting at a camp nearby:

I will leave others to be the judge of this curious scene and most suspicious name-giving of said spot. For my part, I have long learned that there are no coincidences in Azeroth. I have yet to find out the exact reason for this reference though – maybe someone more knowledgeable will help me out someday. 

Closing the logbook

With this, I finish the retelling of my adventures in Gilneas. Not surprisingly, the zone has met all my expectations and definitely sold me into rolling a worgen alt come Cataclysm in order to experience the place come to life. I’ve yet to meet all its inhabitants and I’ve the firm intention to find Sherlock somewhere turning around a corner in Gilneas City.

I hope that those of you that have followed my travels through both Thousand Needles and the home of the worgen were inspired to do some more exploring of Azeroth and pay these zones a visit sometime while you’re counting the days until Cataclysm. There are uncounted secrets to be found on the way for those determined to seek them out. It’s a magical world, Hobbes ol’ buddy !

Another Dog for your Kennel

For an early Monday morning post, there’s good news for all you WoW playing dog lovers out there:

Noticed those new mastiff hounds strolling around Gilneas or Western Plaguelands? Sad that you aren’t a hunter to tame one of them?

Well, you still get to have one of your own now by re-visiting good old Scarlet Monastery! Blizzard have changed the (rather boring) model of one of their old drops in there, namely Dog Whistle dropped by Houndmaster Loksey in the Library Wing. Nicer still: they’ve changed this item from a 3 charge use to a permanent trinket!

Naturally, all us (slightly loony) pet and bauble collectors need to have this – and your Perky Pug will be happy to get a big buddy to play with!

Cat person or not, these two (make that three if you’re actually a hunter) really look adorable together!