How to prep your guild for Cataclysm. Or: "Dear DPS"

Ever since Blizzard announced their intentions for healing in Cataclysm I’ve had this uneasy feeling about how the changes might turn out, or rather how to get the message across once the time arrived. Already in December 2009 I posted some quotes by Ghostcrawler in our guild forums, discussing the changes to health and things like mana regen. And I do welcome these changes, it makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside because things like meaningful spell choices, timing, prioritizing and mana management should matter in an MMO and it reminds me of how it was to heal encounters like Ragnaros or Firemaw back in vanilla WoW. We had good HPS back then but HPM was seriously lousy, so as a consequence you would employ tactics like the classic healer rotation or dancing with the 5-sec rule in longer fights. Do you remember when we were still timing our mana potions and bandage quickly between phases? That’s right. <3 You can hear my nostalgia and that will never change – I do agree with Dwism that WoW raiding as a whole has become better, encounters more diverse and interesting certainly, but there are things about the past that this priest simply misses. Mine is a healer’s background and as such I have always been working inside a closeknit team. Our healing struggles brought us together and forced us to communicate in ways that are almost forgotten today. Maybe that seems a good thing to some but I am a team player through and through and I love working with my team.

I’m under no illusion that Cataclysm will be vanilla all over, I know it won’t be but maybe it can find a middle ground between unnecessary downtimes and imbalances vs. steamrolling and easy loot. Cataclysm is a bit of a homecoming, not just thematically but the way it’s going to simplify stats again, make things like mobs or mana-management harder and epics (supposedly) feel more epic again. We will see.

Changing mindset

To get back to the uneasy feeling, what I’m worried about is how we will revert to this more careful and tactical mindset in WoW, not “we” the healers but “we” the entire player base. All of us have become reckless halfway through WotLK, tanks reckless with pulling, DPS reckless with starting to fire and AoE right away, healers reckless with mana and overhealing. It’s a mindset we will all have to lose if Blizzard’s promises come true and it’s a good thing because it will make encounters more tactical again.

Once I saw the new talents and spells that are now live, I was planning to write a short summary for my guildies with all the healing relevant changes, so people are prepped and also aware of new spells and effects to look out for in our future raids. I don’t expect everybody to be aware of other classes new spells, so when there’s important news to share that is going to benefit you in raids, I do like to communicate that beforehand so people have time to read up and adapt. There is also an entirely more selfish reason behind it: I don’t intend to go through important things like that mid-raid and I’ve been an officer in WoW long enough to value anticipation over reaction, it’s saved me and my fellow officers a lot of nerves in the past. In fact I will always try and open a topic or write a summary or guide so I can point people to it if need be or get grumpy because “it’s all been written on the forums for weeks damnit!”. I’m all for being prepared and transparent – especially if it saves me from getting moaned at because death is suddenly a feature of the game again. If you expect people to take note of something, write it down and get a large trout ready for later.

That said, I have been putting this off for a while, mostly because I didn’t know quite how to approach it yet and I have to say thanks to Tam for his recent topic which reminded me that there was something important I needed to do before Cataclysm!
Have you informed your DPS already that there would be no more heals for them in the expansion? Pardon, I mean, informed your guild about the healing-related changes? If not, I recommend you mention it at some point for your own sake as much as everyone else’s. Also, those guild forums aren’t there to look pretty!

The reason why I single out the DPS too is simply because they are the biggest group in WoW and often outside of the healer-tank equation in the sense that while healers and tanks are always made aware of changes in their departments quite instantly, for obvious reasons of closer teamwork and imminent consequence, DPS are often late to notice. And that is the nicest possible way for me to say this, so don’t push it.

“Dear DPS”

Since I have gone through the trouble of putting a post together that (hopefully) sums up the essential healing changes in a simplified way for non-healers, see a copy of my post below and feel free to use, alter or copy it for your own purposes in case you’re not up for writing one of your own. If you do copy, you might wanna change the guild name though (/ahem)!

And yeah, there are always those that already know most of this (or think they do), I’m actually surrounded by dedicated raiders and crazy alt-players myself in Adrenaline, but it still doesn’t hurt – and then there’s also the large trout thing.

Those shiny new AoE heals to look out for in Cataclysm!

I was planning to write a short (ha-ha) overview about healing changes sooner or later before the expansion and since I got some time tonight, now is as good a time as ever! 
There’s obviously some changes in game mechanics and playstyle incoming for everybody in Cata which is going to concern all of us in our future raids. I haven’t played the beta but I’ve followed things and talked to those that have, and if you believe blizzard’s announcements some things will change bigtime, at least in the beginning of the expansion. some of these things concern me as a healer more than they concern you but ultimately we are all co-dependent and it’s important that everyone is informed about major changes in the healing or tanking or dps department so he/she can adapt to it. Adrenaline IS a progressive raidguild and even if we aren’t of the leet persuasion we care about things like raiding quality and optimization.

To cut to the chase, there’s a few changes I’d like to make people aware of from a healing POV: several healing classes have been given new and more area-related heals (meaning they stick to the ground) in the last patch and we can therefore expect these to become relevant in our future raids. for them to be used to their full potential however, all of you need to understand what these spells are and what exactly they can do for you

I know some of you already know this, in which case it won’t hurt to refresh your memory! <3 Before going on, I’m going to sum up briefly what has been announced on Cata and is healing-relevant: – mana will be a lot bigger issue for everybody. many healing spells have been or will be scaled/nerfed accordingly for lvl 85
– HP will increase more dramatically than HPM/HPS
– all healers now have in-built dps mechanics that either improve healing and/or mana-regen
– cleansing and decursing have been nerfed

What does this mean for you? basically that healers can’t and won’t spam heals the way they have so far. there is less “universal” healing spells around which means we are forced to make choices again between most efficient heal vs. fast heal vs. big heal and believe me when I say we haven’t really had to do this in a long, long time!
There will be less tolerance for ‘unnecessary’ damage taken and there will be less leeway to cover up or compensate. one thing that won’t change in Cata is that it’s the MTs > you and there will be situations where it’s good to go back to whatever means of self-preservation you got. we have all fallen into a bit of an OP or lazy mindset towards the end of WotLK and that will have to change again and revert to a more tactical and sensible playstyle.
The good news is that our HP is increasing massively, which should give everyone some breathing space – at the same time this means HP bars won’t always be topped up right away like people are used to, so don’t panic!
along with that note that you will see healers more often adding dps now as part of their healing “rotation”. and since blizzard wants debuffs to become a bigger deal again, cleansing won’t be as swiftly or efficiently anymore in some cases either. priests for example have had their improved cleansing removed entirely.

now for the cool stuff –

New healy stuff – look out for it, use it, love it!
(*including spell changes up to Cataclysm beta-build 13277)

1) Shiny yellow dome: PW:Barrier coming to you by a Disc Priest.
Will shield from 30% damage and spell interrupts for 10secs.

2) Yellow circle of northern lights: HW:Sanctuary coming to you by a Holy Priest.
Will heal up to 6 players for 18secs.

3) Green circle with floaty leaves: Efflorescence coming to you by a Resto Druid.
Will heal up to 6 players for 7secs.

4) [lvl 83] White patch with rain drops: Healing Rain coming to you by a Resto Shaman.
Will heal up to 6 players for 10 secs.

1)-4) stack and are either costly and/or on a longer CD so making use of them is important. You won’t always be required or asked to run for these of course, ideally they will be placed in the best spot for/on yourself, or wherever they make most sense. Still if you’re outside and close to one while taking damage, you know what you gotta do! Yes, you can stand in the yellow/green crap now, wohoo! (these show better or worse depending on your video setup afaik, so you might want to check that out!)

5) Golden floaty bowl: Lightwell / Lolwell coming to you by a Holy Priest.
You can expect to see lightwell more in Cata than we have so far. I’d like to point out that this is now one of our most efficient heals and I encourage everyone to use this if you can and need to. it has been fixed so you won’t have to target the well anymore in order to heal yourself. it’s easy to oversee in the heat of battle but you can get used to clicking it more.

6) Light of Dawn: not really something you can seek out, but still nice to know that Holy Paladins have a shiny cone heal of their own now. They are also getting Holy Radiance at lvl 83 which is another AoE healing spell emanating from the Paladin to players around him.

That’s it! I hope people will be more familiar with these new spells and effects until Cataclysm, there’s some shiny new stuff going on really and while nobody can tell how much these will be used, I think it’s safe to say they will have their regular place! 🙂
It probably makes sense too to make similar topics about changes in the dps or tank department for everybody if you feel there’s things that are good to share and inform the rest about. Cheers!

And now you know what sort of WoTs poor Larísa is regularly subject to in her guild forums!

The end is near, w00t!

I haven’t kept a close watch on the WoW multiverse ever since the Blizzcon, mainly because I am somewhat busy with real life and also there is not much happening, is there?
You can feel it now, the end of Wrath of the Lich King is edging closer every day…finally! We’ve spent the past weeks discussing and analyzing every snippet of Cataclysm news but I’ve had enough now personally, I long for December and playing and testing myself what I’ve been reading about for so long!

What I’ve missed

I’ve had a look over at MMO Champ today and read about the elemental invasion and achievements, I haven’t actually bothered to log into the game to have a look around myself yet. And I’m not sure I want to now, it sounds as underwhelming as the Gnomeregan pre-quests were, titles and achievements thrown after you like candy at Halloween really kills the whole idea for me personally. I can’t say any of it feels epic.

The Arena Season 9 sets all look exactly the way I thought they would, maybe with exception of the hunter set – now that eyepatch makes no sense whatsoever but hey, it looks good!
The priest set is properly horrid, but no shock there. The Chakra changes were to be expected too even if it feels somewhat weird that they removed Renew from the equation. I’m ready for more surprises before taking on an update on Chakra again in Cataclysm.

One less for the hardware graveyard

I love the fact that Cataclysm is available for download and I am definitely going for that instead of the retail version. I have always been in favor of losing the wasteful hardware aspect of gaming as much as possible, it always felt wrong to buy games only to hold them in my hands for 5 minutes to get the key and install done and then throw the boxes in some dark corner for the dust to settle on forever. I can’t collect game packages anymore even if some of them look lovely, I simply lack space. Buying a box with several CDs makes no sense whatsoever if all you’re looking for is a key.

That’s what I love about XBOX live so much too: all the easy down-loadable games and demos are just awesome. And with MMOs especially, what is there to “own” anyway? The only thing we own about WoW is our experiences. If Blizzard shut their servers down tomorrow that would be the end of things. And I’m fairly certain anti-piracy campaigns welcome the change from paying for hardware to paying for downloads and subscriptions. Personally I do not mind this at all, I already know that as a gamer I am paying for something immaterial.

Speaking of which, I’m currently playing Dragon Age Origins which is an absolutely fantastic experience, a stunning game and must-play for anyone into RPGs! The Witcher is next in line, I have been shamefully negligent of both these great titles in the past (/blush) and on top of that Fable 3 just arrived in the mail today. So I guess there’s something good about having to wait for Cataclysm – another month is all I have in me though!

This is Halloween, this is Halloween (again)

“It is over, your search is done! Let fate choose now, the righteous one!”

That’s right, the Hallow’s End is taking another round in WoW from this week on, with the same old quests and mobs to farm in order to get minipets and special mounts – if the event isn’t bugging out on you, that is. And once more I find myself wondering if Blizzard will ever bother to update the seasonals because really, it is only fun so many times…Are we going to see the same quests and rewards again in Cataclysm? I hope not!

As you might have noticed if you aren’t accessing this page by reader only, the header of Raging Monkeys has been slightly re-decorated in honor of this great holiday and also, because we really love to dress up – or rather I do and it’s not like the other two can do anything about it! =D Squirrel has withdrawn to live inside a jack-O-lantern for the time being, until hibernation time anyway.

It’s been a busy week full of srs bsns, buggy patches to discuss and new skills to analyze, so it’s high time for another Frivolous Friday topic, before we’ve entirely ruined our blog’s reputation by appearing way too serious and ..informative!

My PVP Pit

I’ve already mentioned in my last post how baffling some of the bugs and imbalances in battlegrounds are at the moment, it’s really not a good time to start PVPing if you’re currently contemplating the option. Nonetheless I am quite a passionate PVPer in WoW, at least as much as times allows me to besides raiding, so when I saw Zelmaru’s call to join the Bee Pit Bingo, I was instantly tempted to contribute with a PVP card of my own.

In case you don’t know what the Bee Pit is about, be sure to visit the page and have a look around – you have probably tossed a lot of players into the pit yourself in the past without knowing!
I have quite some player disdain to share in WoW, I could’ve easily created another PVE card, but there’s so many BG annoyances I have accumulated over the past years that it was great fun to think about my personal tops there. So here’s my contribution, if you’re frequently pvping yourself I’m sure you will know them all too well!

Make sure to check out the other fabulous Bee Pit Bingo cards currently up @ Murloc Parliament. And as always a good weekend everybody!

Bugs bugs bugs!!!

They’re everywhere, have you noticed? Every time I log into WoW since last Wednesday’s patch, I seem to discover something else that is currently broken in the game. I don’t remember when a patch broke so many things in the game before lol – 4.0.1. buggiest patch ever? What’s going on?

Today several of my guild mates got their characters stuck in limbo while trying to enter instances. Half the time I find myself “not in a guild’ after logging on. I am also wearing a tabard, when really I am not. And I cannot seem to inspect people anymore. There’s something odd going on with guildchat and the guildranks too and the inbuilt item comparison simply ignores stats on some of the gear.

Then yesterday, I realized that I do not exist in the BGs I’m currently playing in. When trying to find myself on the BG charter to check honor gained or healing done, I do not exist! There is also some weird, small nametag flashing up on my screen during PVP now, overlapping my hotkeys or then moving on top of my minimap….ermm? Apparently I am also the only one with this issue, quite unnerving!

At least I was able to buy the Wrathful weapon now, after realizing that those angry red tooltips on all the last season PVP gear are simply bugged (yes you can buy everything now, no rank required anymore!).
Oh and don’t even try to compare your converted points for honor or justice points with other guildmates, because it won’t make any sense!

In case you hate  the new Blizzard raidframes as much as I do and want to get rid of the minimized tab they leave on the top left of your screen even if disabled, you might wanna macro this command:

/run CompactRaidFrameManager:UnregisterAllEvents() CompactRaidFrameManager:Hide() CompactRaidFrameContainer:UnregisterAllEvents() CompactRaidFrameContainer:Hide()

Simply enter this once when inside a raid and the tab will disappear completely. There’s no other way currently to do this, as far as I know.

….so much for bugs and post-patch annoyances. That said, I am not actually too annoyed, I find it more amusing than anything to discover more and more bugs as I am playing! =D

I am a little surprised there was no big hotfix yet this morning though – or maybe that’s bugged too?

Double Trinity: Priest Chakras explained

After last week’s initial irritation with the new holy priest talents and spells, I set my mind on understanding Chakra better and making sense of the triple function in combination with Holy Word: Chastise. If this is the new holy priest mechanic for Cataclysm, there’s gotta be a lot more to it than what the confusing and cumbersome explanations on the inet and tooltips inspire you to believe. So I entered a couple of 10mans with my priest to give Chakra ample testing time. I got used to things pretty soon and dare say I understood matters a lot better after playing around with the different states in various boss encounters.

The main issue with Chakra is that there’s a lot of misinformation around. I’ve come across pages that talk of “stacking chakra” (lol?) or “spamming chakra”….right.
Also, Blizzard have done a lousy job on the tooltips in my opinion: the wording is often unclear, at least for me, and there’s information missing especially when it comes to Holy Word: Chastise with Revelations. If you haven’t looked into the matter yet before the patch (and possibly even if you have), you’ll spend a lot of time trying to wrap your head around the entire 3-1-3 idea but in essence it’s actually quite simple.

In the following article I have attempted to simplify the new holy priest Chakra mechanic for all those that feel somewhat overwhelmed or confused with all the tooltips and new names. I will try to explain how Chakra works and what I believe its potential uses in raids might be, in combination with Revelations. I will leave out all unnecessary information, especially the long and clunky names for each of the Revelations effects. Names are great and all, but while learning a new, complex mechanic, I find them obstructive and irritating – makes my head spin!

Understanding Chakra

Chakra essentially is a state in which you chose to heal a particular encounter. That state can either empower your HoTs (Renew / green state), your direct healing (Heal / yellow state) or your AoE healing (PoH / blue state) – so depending on the fight and/or your healing assignment, you will chose your Chakra state accordingly.
The way Blizzard designed the spell, being cheap on mana and fast to re-activate, you should think of Chakra as a mechanic that you frequently use or maintain over an entire bossfight. Switching Chakras makes a lot of sense too, for example if you are healing in a multi-phase encounter with different assignments and a different healing style for each phase.

There is a self-refreshing element to Chakra: while a particular state lasts 30secs, you will add an extra 4secs to that timer every time you make use of the respective Chakra spell when talented into State of Mind. So let’s say you choose Renew-Chakra, your Renews will heal for 10% more during the next 30secs – but also, you will add another 4 secs (back up to 30secs) every time you cast a Renew. The same for your other two states.

I’ve tested this and not surprisingly Renew was the easiest of the 3 spells for maintaining Chakra. Not just is Renew the fastest spell of the lot, but obviously also the one that’s most easy to apply on an entire raid. I was able to cast Chakra initially on a bossfight and then maintain it throughout the entire fight via Renew.
PoH being both more situational and also a lot more expensive, you would certainly let this Chakra state drop more frequently and refresh it if needed. As for Heal, I did not test it as much as the other two, but assuming you’re on focus- or tankhealing during a bossfight and Heal is indeed replacing Flash Heal in Cata, you would probably be able to maintain its state for quite a while before re-casting Chakra.
That said, you don’t want to forcefully spam costly healing just to maintain your Chakra state as it’s easy and cheaper to re-activate if you’ve dropped it. It’s good to note that it’s possible to prolong though.

As already mentioned, not all of the 3 Chakra-states are equally mana-efficient and you will have to choose in what “state of mind” to heal each encounter and encounter phase individually for best results. Flexibility will be key here. It does however almost certainly always make sense to use one of the 3 Chakra states to boost your healing powers in bossfights as Chakra in itself is a cheap way of gaining some extra healing.

Chakra and Revelations

If you’ve picked up the Revelations talent in the holy tree, your HW:Chastise spell will transform into 3 new healing spells that correspond to one of your 3 Chakra states each. To understand this a little better and see everything at a quick glance, I’ve created the following graphic:

Click to enlarge

Please note that all healing numbers correspond with my own holy priest’s stats and spec. I am assuming Tome of Light and State of Mind are talented.

Revelations basically brings an extra spell to your healing arsenal that further empowers your healing in combination with your chosen Chakra. If you’re using Renew-Chakra during an encounter, HW:Chastise will let you apply yet another HoT to a chosen target beside an instant heal. The mana cost of 386 is cheaper than if you manually cast a Renew and FH yourself. This effect is useful in a variety of situations, as a quick save on yourself or another player, or frequently added on an MT while raidhealing for example.

The same goes for your PoH-state: HW:Chastise will let you cast an extra AoE healing zone on the ground which makes for some remarkable focus-healing on a certain area or raidgroup in combination with your other, direct AoE heals. I can see potential uses for this on the melee camp where it usually hits MTs too, or if more focused raidhealing is required on a stacked point or ranged group, maybe also in combination with a Disc Priest’s PW:Barrier or a Resto Druid’s Efflorescence.

Inside Heal-Chakra, you will be able to gain even more single-target Heal power if you combine it with HW:Chastise. This makes for some impressive MT- or focus healing!

Out of the 3 Revelations, Heal-Chakra will probably make for the most mana-efficient one at lvl 85. Your Renew state takes the middle position while using HW:Chastise during PoH-Chakra is going to cost you a lot. It does however come with the shortest cooldown, so re-positioning the AoE healing zone if needed, is fast.

Preliminary bottom line

The extra healing power and tools gained from using and playing your Chakras and Revelations right should be quite remarkable in Cataclysm. Adopting these new mechanics into your standard healing habits and repertoire will take some time and experimenting, but there’s a lot of potential there once you got the hang out of things, know how to combine and when it’s best to use what.
Holypriests should think of Chakra as their three new healing states of mind, with Revelations bringing you that little extra tool to go with your different states.

We will see how things work out in Cataclysm: I’m most eager to see Heal come out of the closet especially and I expect some more changes to our talents or at least the numbers. It is yet to be seen how big our mana issues will be which will further impact on Chakra‘s significance in the coming expansion.

I will look into updating this topic come lvl 85, until then have fun experimenting with your new abilities and feedback is of course welcome!

Patch me if you can!

So the big patch of 4.0.1 is finally upon us and you’ve all spent the past 2 days re-speccing and re-glyphing your chars like mad, frowning over those odd stats and mastery on your brand new character pane and trying to figure out reforging. Maybe you’ve also spent half of Wednesday swearing in front of the computer like me, because that damned patch took a lot more space than indicated, so you ended up re-downloading it all and a second time after that, due to some critical errors. Or maybe you’ve been luckier and the patch just slowed down at the strangest time or then the updater did. Patching….it ain’t easy business!

Syl vs. 4.0.1

This patch is really a 50-50 deal for me so far, meaning to say I have probably never been more undecided about whether I should hate or love the changes before me. I’m generally a bit of a ranter type when it comes to WoW patches, not because I dislike all change but let’s face it, they often really mess things up! I also naturally focus on negative things a lot more, I see the good for the good but then it’s back to the negative for me, because that’s where things still need to improve and we got work to do!

Anyways, I’ll be forcefully un-Syl today and start with the good things: I love what they did to glyphs. I can see how the new glyph system will cause scribe whining, but on a general note it’s a great change because we’ll finally have all our glyphs on us, so a lot more accessible than before. I never bothered to switch glyphs much in the past, bagspace being one of the reasons, but now I can see myself using glyphs depending on encounter a lot more.
I also love the adjustment to mount speed, finally I get to use some of those older mounts again. And the new talent and guild windows are great (yay for the professions tab!), the UI changes seem to be a big improvement altogether.

And here comes the big but (no, not the bear one): I’ve not been looking forward much to the holy priest changes and I can’t say they blow me away. For one, re-speccing seemed already very dull. Then there’s Chakra which is Blizzard’s way of saying that holy priests are the versatile healers of the game, I know – I just don’t feel the whole triple deal in combination with HW:Chastise is such a wonderful, intuitive mechanic. But I’ll get used to that. Oh and note that Chakra is now down to 30secs!

Aside of Chakra, nothing is new for holy really. We can’t spec into shiny wings proc yet like the Discpriests, because we lack the points. That aside, I absolutlely HATE what they did to Surge of Light, taking it off general crits, making it exclusive for crappy Heal (crappy for the moment anyway) and Smite instead….I loved to get my SoL procs from almost every CoH, that was so much extra mobility!
And I really do miss Spiritual healing and Prayer of Spirit, it’s been quite noticeable statwise too…mehhh Blizzard, why did you have to take away all the spirit from this priest?

Priest Tier 11

As for our recently published T11, I’m again on the fifty fifty side:
I love gear and tier sets and once more I find myself thinking “thank you, thank you, whoever designs our sets!” because it’s BLUE! YAY! I was scared to end up with a red and brown, fiery cataclysmic looking set which is great for some classes surely, not so much for a holy healer though. Let’s see what the other colors will be, but this is a great start! It looks very royal with the blue and gold and considering the onion-shaped headpiece and overall theme, it reminds me a lot of some oriental, middle-eastern garment.

Here comes the first but – the shoulders look like those old Mage T2 water dispensers or then the Harvest Festival shoulder-piece. Either way, they don’t seem to fit the rest of the set at all! What’s up with making priests look like football players?

The even bigger but: the female tier model is the only one that comes belly-free….did the tailor run out of cloth or something? Oh, get real already! And not just about the usual stupid male designer touch, but seriously: is this what you think of priests Blizzard? The sissies in the raid that go belly-free because really, they aren’t doing that much so why not flaunt their bellies in combat while everyone else is geared up in their battle armor? Let’s tan our tank a little while some blazing AoE of doom is raining down on everybody?? Wut???

I hope they get a ton of angry emails until Cataclysm! And yes, I will wear a matching shirt!

Rent-a-Troll© services coming to you!

We’re living in beautiful times. There is a service for almost every of our needs, a gigantic industry revolving around providing and catering to our comforts. If you don’t manage to cook or clean up anymore because of your excessive time spent on World of Warcraft, just call up a number and get that pizza delivered straight home while the laundry service takes care of the washing and dry-cleaning. Too lazy to go shopping? PC homeshopping! Can’t be arsed to answer the phone? Here’s a catalog to the latest generation of answering machines! Can’t reach the light switch? Clap your hands twice!

We’ve seen a lot of trolling in the WoW blogosphere lately. These are busy times, Larísa and Tobold can both tell you about it and so can numerous other bloggers. Dealing with trolls is interesting at best, but unfortunately it doesn’t end there. Yet some bloggers think that getting a troll is like an “award” of sorts, some bizarre recognition of your blog’s publicity or the relevance of your opinions – rather than someone really bored, being really stupid and boring on your everyday blog.

So after reading this post over at Pugnacious Priest, I was thinking that surely there can be something done about that! It is definitely not right that some bloggers should be excluded from trolling, I believe in equal opportunities for everybody! And as I have just recently (accidentally! /blush) managed to “export” a troll from Raging Monkeys over to Tam and Chas at Righteous Orbs, I figured I have a knack for this kinda thing – I can help the Pugnacious Priest and all other bloggers out that would love a troll of their own!

Are you tired to be left out on the trolling? Yearning for the genuine experience?  Welcome to the exclusive Raging Monkeys troll market! See our selection of troll rentals exclusively designed to your personal comfort below!

Take your pick – we got them all!

(A- Level) The LOL-Troll©

The LOL-Troll is a first level troll: he is generally cheap and doesn’t put a lot of effort into his trolling. His comments rarely make sense and aren’t on topic – this troll is not looking to argue, he is here to mock you and make fun of a single word or argument in your post. Leetspeak will frequently occur.

At some point during the exchange with the LOL-Troll, you will start wondering which of your not-so-friendly ex-guildmates might have stumbled upon your blog.

Specials: Personal attacks, sarcasm, excessive mockery. Status: on stock.

(B- Level) The Extremist©

The Extremist is looking for specific parts in your argument for him to twist or take out of context. He is fond of hyperbole and passive-aggressive by default, convinced that you are out to impose your personal views on the entire world. He will therefore seek to undermine your reasoning by taking all your thoughts to extremes, trying to brand you as the self-righteous hypocrite you really aren’t. You will frequently find this troll making statements like “and where do you draw the line?!” or “stop playing God!”. Living in a world of stark black and white, the subtleties of differentiation or common sense elude the Extremist.

Specials: Hyperbole, presumption, selective hearing. Status: on stock.

(C- Level) The Preacher©

The Preacher is a bigot in disguise. Trying to present himself as a considerate and committed commenter, this troll is actually not looking for serious debate. Self-righteous in nature, the Preacher is the ultimate authority and keeper of truths: because he is right, you can only be wrong. He is looking to “win” arguments and will aim to undermine your integrity by condescension, biased attacks and stereotyping.

On his crusade to make everybody see the error of their ways, the Preacher will use a large toolbox of rhetoric twists while cunningly ignoring all counter-arguments pointed at the innumerable holes in his logic. You will find yourself running in circles or whack-a-moling while trying to discuss with this specimen. The Preacher loves the sound of his own voice.

Specials: Circular argument, rhetoric tautology, excessive use of WoT. Status: on stock.

 

All Rent-a-Trolls© are made of genuine, 24-carat bullshit and come with their own special cardboard box and factory seal.

This is NOT a Rent-a-Troll©! Beware of scammers!

Unfortunately the troll market has not escaped the ever-growing industry of piracy. We are currently taking legal action against the distribution of unlicensed troll look-a-likes and illegal replica, distributed by an aggressive Asian manufacturer who has started to copy and sell sub-standard specimens under the label “troll”. Please beware of related phishing emails and fake Rent-a-Troll© advertisement! We would also like to point out briefly how to look out for fakes:

This is no troll. This is merely an intense commenter. He sets himself apart from genuine trolls in several essential ways. The intense commenter is very opinionated and passionate, looking to test his strong views against yours. He might even provoke you a little to engage in conversation with him. He will write longer comments than others and can get heated when feeling misunderstood. However, this commenter is genuinely interested in debate and grasps the concept of respecting different viewpoints. He will always criticize or attack arguments, never the person. He lacks any sense of self-entitlement, is capable to switch perspectives and can agree to disagree. This commenter is worth your time, he is for real and comes for free.

Do not mistake this commenter for a troll, he does not meet the required quality standards! Raging Monkeys will not reimburse any costs related to fake troll services!

Additional details and shipping information

Please note that Rent-a-Troll© services are currently exclusive to World of Warcraft blogs. The standard Rent-A-Troll© package consists of a troll of your choice, bringing jolly good trolling to your WoW blog for the duration of 2 weekdays, starting on the following Monday of receiving email confirmation. On expiration of this period, the troll will vanish and head back to the mothership.

Rent-a-Troll© services are currently free of charge (non-refundable). Customers looking to rent a professional troll are kindly requested to place their order to Raging Monkeys through the Mail Monkey system (see our side-panel). Information on the troll specimen of your choice and your blog’s URL are required. As we are expecting a massive demand, you may only order one troll service per blog at this time. Overseas deliveries (USA, Asia, Australia, Africa) might take up to 3-5 days of additional wait time.

Raging Monkeys deny responsibility for any potential harm done to your blog by a Rent-a-Troll©. Any damages action or claims for compensation are refuted. There is no right of appeal.

Happy shopping!

P.S. All troll comments in response to this thread will be deleted, unless submitted with a genuine Raging Monkeys certificate of trollish authenticity. Good luck with that!

Rent-a-Troll© is a Raging Monkeys trademark. All rights reserved.

WoW Priests for a 3rd Shackle Glyph!

After reading through the recently announced glyph changes for Cataclysm, I was once more disappointed not to find my longtime desired, third shackle glyph for priests in the list – because really, the two we currently got aren’t nearly enough.
Every WoW priest loves his glyph of shackle undead and glyph of scourge imprisonment (a major one at that!), how would we ever cope without them? Yet there is a third shackle glyph desperately missing in the game right now which I’ve been asking to receive for years. Back then I assumed I was a genius ahead of my time, but I’m slowly running out of excuses for Blizzard.

No I am not kidding. I do actually want another glyph for shackle in the game. Blizzard can shove those two other glyphs where the light doesn’t shine, but there’s actually one glyph I’d love to have and would use if it was available:

Glyph of Righteous Threat
All of the shackled target’s threat will be re-directed to the player breaking the shackle.

That’s right – I want shackle to work the way it should work. No more killing the priest because that over-eager hunter keeps attacking the wrong target, the warlock dotting up every mob in sight, the melee thinking it’s a good time to use AoE next to CCed targets.

Now I won’t claim that we actually get to use shackle as often, I did use it regularly when raiding ICC25 with my guild though and I absolutely hate paying for other people’s mistakes. There’s no other priest mechanic that winds me up the same way, maybe it’s because I can usually control what happens or doesn’t happen to me (full wipes aside), but if shackle breaks constantly and your tanks are busy dealing with what they should be dealing with, chances are high you get pwned by an angry mob before you can re-shackle it for the 3rd time. It’s like being blamed for something you didn’t do and that doesn’t sit well with this priest, not well at all. If it happens once, that’s already one time too many (I am forgiving like that).

Besides that, the broken threat mechanic undermines the one and only real teacher in WoW: DEATH! And once more, death does not come to the one being stupid, it comes to me, argh! What were you thinking Blizzard?! I play a healer in WoW, dealing out life and death and letting the moron die is my province! How much quicker would DPS respect shackles if they were actually the ones being targeted by the mob they just freed, you think?!

And if that’s not gonna help – well then us priests still get something out of it at least.


WTB Glyph of Righteous Threat! Send out your requests today!

Boundless inspiration

Derived from good old latin, the word inspiration goes back on the verb inspirare which means “to breathe / blow into” or “infuse”. So if a person is being inspired, he is actually that: being “breathed into”, being animated by some greater spirit, idea or being (whatever you prefer to call it) to do certain things. It’s a beautiful allegory on man’s creativity. Using thousands of words every day, or a million in my case, we often don’t realize the deeper meaning and origin of the words we use.

Of all the games I’ve played in my life, I’ve never encountered any that has inspired so many people around the globe so greatly to all sorts of works of their own, like World of Warcraft has. WoW does obviously have a far greater player base than any other online game, but the impact it’s having in the creative field is quite remarkable and a testimony to the coherence of the fantastic world Blizzard created. The results of WoW’s inspirational potential are nothing short of baffling at times.
The most well-known examples are obviously the masses of people out there writing about WoW, the fanfiction and fanart created, the stunning machinima, the fun community events and regular contests run by Blizzard on their official page; I wonder if there’s going to be more WoW Halloween Pumpkins again this year.

As this is a perfect Frivolous Friday topic, I do want to share the following 3 remarkable examples of fired imagination with the rest of you. I’ve only recently come across them myself – what do you know! The inspiration people can get from WoW knows no limits!

If you’re desperately bored of the game at the moment, it’s time to check this page out. It’s basically Origami for WoW and some of the paper models are just baffling! There’s also a lot of plans available for download, so grab your scissors and glue and get started!

I love cooking and browsing food blogs – well, here’s your dedicated WoW cooking site! The folks over at Nourish got plenty of Azerothian recipes ready for you to test your culinary skills on, nomnom!

It’s no big secret that I love the shinies and I’ve always wondered a little about the lack of WoW merchandise, especially in this particular bracket – after all, which self-respecting WoW priest wouldn’t love to have a silver Benediction necklace dangling from their neck?
In any case, there’s some remarkable craftsmanship to be found on that page, so whether you’re into jewelry or not, it’s worth checking out!

So many ideas, so little time – enjoy your weekend everybody and stay inspired!
Also, if you feel particularly loaded on ideas, head over to Deuwowlity and help Gronthe out with suggestions, because he’s planning a WoW musical!

So when’s the last time you /played the game?

All MMO players and WoW players especially, know about the significance of the /played command in the game. In World of Warcraft it is often subject of running gags, guild mates teasing one another or daring each other to do a /played. Not rarely does it happen that a player will outright refuse to tell you his number and even those that do, usually cringe at least for one moment before going over to long justifications about the result, explaining how “this isn’t the net time played after all, a lot of it is also AFK” or “but I have no alts beside this” and so forth. Really, /played is a bit of a taboo in the game and it makes me a little sad because that shows us one thing: that most MMO players still feel a certain amount of shame or guilt regarding their hobby.

I’ve been reluctant to check my /played time in WoW myself in the past and really need to ask myself why – I’m most certainly not ashmed of being a gamer. I’ve been involved in video games all my life, briefly even professionally. I’m a self-proclaimed proud-to be gamer and geek. I run around wearing Leeroy Jenkins and “Green is the New Purple” T-Shirts (yes, outside my home) and there’s nobody in my family or wider circle of friends that doesn’t know about my hobbies. At my workplace I am happy to inform whomever likes to know too. There’s a shiny figureprint of Syl sat next to the monitor I’m writing this article on.

Yet and despite all of that, apparently something’s wrong with /played. I don’t know if it’s the ingame mocking à la “you addict!” that usually goes with it, even the friendly one, but somehow there’s a semi-conscious part of me deep down inside, that still believes the time I spend in WoW is outrageously too high “for a useless hobby like that” – huh? OH JUST SHUT UP!!!

The thing is, I don’t actually believe that’s true. For one, I probably have a very average playtime in WoW and the game has never created any form of issues or impacted negatively on things in real life for me – in fact quite the opposite. There’s times when I haven’t played WoW and times when I’ve played it lots. I don’t see how it’s different from enjoying any other hobbies or pastimes that aren’t directly “useful” but entertaining. I believe WoW is a great deal more social than some other activities the way I play it. You can also actually learn a lot in this game, if you chose to.

Many other WoW players will share these views with me. So why is there still this controversial, guilty feeling about the /played command among gamers? Have we simply heard the negative stereotypes for too long? After all the media are ever-eager to convince the world that online gaming equals drug addiction and causes babies to starve in Korea.

What’s the point of /played anyway?

Have you ever asked yourself what the use of the /played command in the game might be? I am wondering about this a bit. I know the feature can be found in other MMOs too and I can’t help but marvel at the idea behind this – why did Blizzard install it in the game? Why this focus on “time spent” in the online gaming branch especially?
You will struggle to find many other hobbies where measuring quantity is actually a concern; the guy that spends several nights a week in his football club, avidly plays the piano, is regularly hanging out with buddies in bars or watching TV in the evenings, wouldn’t do a /played or /drank or /TV every few months to double-check and question his favored activities. Even for most other games on PC or console there is no such data – at most you’ll find a time indication on your saves that counts net time. Nobody would ever bother to ask about it.

It almost feels as if the game you love to play is agreeing with those trying to tell you that you spend “sooooooo much time!” by storing this ever-increasing number as if it was important. I fail to see a dev’s reasoning here; in any case if they thought it would serve as player-epeen or decoration in WoW they have utterly missed their point.

Laughing in the face of /played

Anyhow, I do hereby protest against the tyranny and taboo of  /played in WoW and all other forms thereof in other MMOs! I refuse to feel guilty over a number that can never express the myriads of emotions and experiences I’ve had and made through this game, the countless adventures, moments of epic win, the endless fun and joy shared in the great company of friends over the past few years. If my time spent on the game is all that interests you about it, then GFY. ^^ I happen to enjoy this game. I’m having good times with it.

As for the number, writing about it actually got me intrigued and since we’re kinda at the doorstep of Cata, it feels like the perfect time to have a look –

*quickly logging into WoW*

–  253 days.
That’s since the EU launch in February 2005, counting my main character and also the sole lowbie alt I am rumored to have. Assuming that I’ve played the game for 68 months, that breaks down to 12% of that time or 20 hours a week. If a player’s active time in the game (=actually being ingame at the keyboard) is roughly 80% of the total number, that means I’ve spent an average of 16 hours of gaming and socializing in WoW per week.
I enjoyed every minute of it (ok, not so much that one exalted grind in Silithus) and I would never wanna miss that time in my life. Yeah, I could’ve learned a sixth language instead or restore world peace – I could also have done a lot of silly or stupid things instead, so make of that what you will. I’ll say 253 days of good fun – wohoo, YAY, /cheer!

If you ever want to know my playtime in WoW again at some point in the future, I’m happy to answer your question without cringing. I also dare you all to check your /played next time you log into the game and tell all your friends (feel free to add it in a comment too!), not because it matters but exactly because it does not!

P.S. It is highly probable, if not to say very likely, that I made a calculation error somewhere in that last bit, in which case I’m happy to be rectified. It is rather late here and I’ve never been much for maths – there be dragons.

Update: I need to thank all the trolls that have repeatedly tried to derail the comment thread to this topic, spamming me with wild accusations or threatening me (on my own blog) that I have “crossed the line” – you have all proven my point better than I ever could have. It is no wonder so few WoW gamers publicly admit to their hobby or time spent in the game. Further spam or trolling will be deleted – my blog, my rules, ya know.

He who judges does not define that which is judged, but only defines himself as someone who needs to judge.”