Category Archives: Editorial

Precious Time-outs

Ironyca has published another fascinating chapter in her series on social interaction and dynamics in MMOs few days ago. If you haven’t come across her blog until now, I strongly recommend you step by sometime for some great and insightful reads.

One core argument against realID and in favor of invisible alts, is of course that social interaction cannot be forced on people the way Blizzard seem to think. Or as Ironyca puts it in her article: “I think this is social engineering gone wrong, the leash is too tight.” If you want people to form social bonds, you need to allow for that to happen naturally. Players need to be able to choose their own time of when to get closer or withdraw from one another. Good relationships are about free will.

Now, I am the first person to criticize MMOs that allow “too much” player self-sufficiency and soloplay; because there are plenty of examples in both real and virtual worlds of how cooperation fades as soon as individualism and independence increase. Human beings might be social creatures, or as the saying goes “no man is an island”, but I have always been a little skeptical of that (or rather, I see it the utilitarian way). Personally, I think there is a lot more truth in another phrase: “in times of need, we are all brothers”. The way western society has gone with increasing wealth and how it takes traumatic catastrophes to bring people closer together nowadays, is proof of that. Therefore, I want MMOs to enforce cooperation by means of need – need for grouping in order to advance.

Still, there is no way I’d ever support an MMO that disallows privacy: the privacy to roll another character, to break lose from an existing social bond or guild. It is not a developers business to dictate who you roll with or that you shouldn’t get some peace and space from others when you require it. Sometimes you need to unwind alone from the day – that’s what MMOs are there for, too. And it can be awkward getting haunted by guild tells, asking you to switch over because they’ve just lost a guy or nosing about. You should be able to decide when you want to engage in the cooperative part of the game and when you don’t. It doesn’t help your relationships if you are guilt-tripped into switching characters or pressured to tell somebody ‘No‘ – even if that’s something you have every right to do. Yet, sometimes we are just not up for questions, justifications and potential misunderstandings.

Why disappearing benefits relationships

Being able to withdraw from social circles isn’t only important because of free will and quality interaction though; there is a beneficial and invigorating aspect in taking time off – which is why it is such a shame that it should be such a difficult thing to admit and ask for.

A few years ago, a close friend of mine got married and became a father twice, soon after. We used to see each other almost weekly and our friendship has always been of a rare and precious nature. We are also geeks of an uncanny kind. It was something we cherished and missed dearly once he got sucked into family and work life so completely (plus I moved further away). It got very quiet between us for several years; not a good time for either. I respected the life-altering changes and new responsibilities on his side but at the same time I worried too, not simply for selfish reasons. From the little I still heard, he was often sick, increasingly worn out and weary. He had no place of his own, no space to recharge his batteries. I’m very sure that such thoughts alone made him feel guilty – after all he was a father now and provider of a family. He was the guild leader.

It took several years of just being there, waiting (nagging) ever so quietly in the background, hoping for his return. Making sure he always knew that door was still open. It also finally took one hefty argument on the phone, which I still recall perfectly, when my patience finally broke and I shouted at him (and my shouts are pretty frightening, I hear) that he needed to allow himself something of his own sometime. He had become a shadow of his former self (with a serious health condition developing).

And so gradually, things started to improve. We arranged for regular meet-ups again that would not be postponed or changed for anything. The time together, away from everyday life, became an established island that he would grant himself, a break-out from routine. He realized that it was something he needed – not just for himself, but for his family too. Getting away just for a day or two, having something for himself, infused him with energy that would in return benefit his loved ones. He’d get home fresh and inspired, longing to see his kids. He’d be a less tired, more attentive, happier dad and husband. More whole a person. He found his healthy balance and things have changed a great deal ever since, for which I am very thankful.

We need to allow ourselves these spaces; we need to allow ourselves to go invisible. Not just because we need to escape, but because it actually makes our most important relationships in life better, not worse. There’s nothing wrong in wanting to catch your breath for a while, to put things in perspective and return with a vengeance. Withdrawing does not always mean we want to get away from somebody, for good. All it means is that we need to withdraw for our own sake, for a while. It’s not a proof of broken relationships.

This is something we need to learn claim for ourselves without guilt, and learn to tell others if required. It’s also why realID or no secret alts in MMOs are frankly bogus, creating issues for no good reason.

A good weekend to all of you out there – the visible and invisible! I am off to disappear myself for the next few days, as I am finally leaving these shores and transferring my existence some 150 kilometers down southwest. It just so happens that my aforementioned friend is going to be my “neighbor” two days from now! I will be back as soon as internet is up and running again. Toodles!

On difficulty in WoW and social control in MMOs

The following article is a follow-up to this topic by Klepsacovic. For full context, please head there first (including comments). I would like to second his clarifications on using (relative and problematic) terms such as ‘good/top’ or ‘bad/sub-par’ players for the second half of this argument. No player is always just good or bad and good players always benefit from the presence of someone a little weaker.

Difficulty in WoW for the average player, lvls 1-80

On social control in MMORPGs

Admittedly, I have omitted one more lesson of WoW’s current “difficulty syllabus” in the above picture: heroics. If we look at the stark discrepancy between WoW’s leveling game from 1-84 vs. the huge step-up of entering a serious raiding scene, we must give credit to the implemented bridge between the two. In theory, WoW players are supposed to stick to this schedule:

5-man dungeons and heroics are the “gate-keeper” to raiding; or at least that’s how it’s intended. At the very latest, this is when a new player is introduced to cooperative group-play. Here he is pushed to learning his class and role, here he is questioned, here he is geared up for the challenges ahead. Here he understands the importance of strategy and communication before class is dismissed.…If only!

No matter how Blizzard have tried to hard-tune their raid-entry dungeons in Cataclysm, heroics do not fulfill their assigned role as necessary stepping stone between noobland and the unforgiving reality of many raid encounters. Getting into a raid is relatively easy, but many are ill prepared for the individual challenge and pressure that awaits. For guilds and recruitment this means a big crowd of potential candidates with the barest pre-selection.

For one thing, there are too many ways in which players can avoid challenging and maybe stressful/frustrating 5-man runs (for example by gearing up in other ways). More importantly though: in an MMO with cross-server LFG no reliable means of player selection or preparation exist. The purpose of the training phase is undermined in a game of anonymity. Here’s why:

Let’s have another look at yes – vanilla WoW. Back then, we had 5-mans too at lvl 60 and hard ones they were (hello Stratholme 1.0 & Co.). We didn’t have heroics, normal modes were bad enough. Gear was important and there were no ways around acquiring your starter raid-gear (8-piece sets on random drop!) from in there. Then, there were also attunements and resistance gear which kept sending you back in frequently, not just for yourself but those you were trying to help out.For the MC raidguild looking at a potential, ready-looking candidate at the time, this meant the following: not only had this person leveled from 1-60, he had also jumped all hoops in order to gain entry and had made it through all essential lvl 60 dungeons (many times) to gather his gear sets. More so, he had succeeded in finding/organizing and finishing runs with groups of your own server continuously. If you hadn’t heard of said player in negative terms up to that point, if he wasn’t on any spoken or unspoken blacklist by that time, there was a pretty good chance that this was your guy! Even if not quite that – at the very least, there was full confirmation of this player being incredibly motivated and experienced enough to raid.

There are no similar pre-raiding hoops in today’s WoW and heroic gear tells us very little about a player. Maybe he is a complete fail who only ever made it by jumping from one LFG group to the next while being an anonymous ass, ninja-looter, rage-quitter. Who knows – you certainly don’t! Who can say how somebody behaves in a cross-server group? Who can judge how well a player truly performed in order to gain his gear? Even if he let himself carry (or cooked his dinner during runs), he certainly didn’t need worry about not being re-invited to a next group (as tank/healer within the next 5 minutes). No social pressure – no social control.

We need the concept of social control for functional communities. We need the dynamic of reputation. We need small enough server communities for social interaction to become meaningful and transparent. We need consequences. The last thing we need is anything cross-server or bigger. Guilds and smaller groups don’t benefit from quantity, they benefit from quality.And so does the individual player, by the way; black sheep aside, it’s not exactly fun to be the “weak link” in a raid guild. It’s not a nice awakening to realize you are ill prepared. It’s disappointing and stressful to end up in a place too early. In a game of unforgiving raid mechanics (which is the situation I base this argument on), you want and need proper hoops early.

How I became a different person
I used to be the raider who loved vanilla raids for being 40man; the scale, the epic kills and also the hilarious chaos (and challenge to order the same). I loved being part of a mixed crowd and running raidguilds that had colorful characters in them. I liked having merry minstrels and jokers along for the ride, to share good moments and laughs on our way.I liked being able to afford “clowns” in our raids.I was never a l33t player and I don’t consider myself “hardcore”, despite having always been a core member and healing coordinator in dedicated top guilds. Fame, loot and kills are all nice and dandy, but I want to share them with good folks and have fun together. I want both, the close-knit team and serious raids. If this means I need to cut back on the first and heroic kills in order to have that – fine in my books (as long as I still experience most of the content). I don’t seek the affirmation that comes from being nummero uno on a ladder, nice as it may be. I frankly also never wanted more than three raid nights.The guilds I ended up in (founded in vanilla & early TBC), were therefore more or less always composed the same way:

20% top players & figureheads / 60% average & good players (wide spectrum) / 20% players you’d carry more frequently, but who’d in return bring other qualities and talents to the table. I’m fine with such a guild and for myself, ideally I want all three groups present.

You need the top players; you need them to pull and push the group. You need them to be your guides, guild leaders, coordinators and analysts. You need them too because very often, they’re simply the consistent show-ups with the most time available (which is why they make great guides or leaders).
You need the solid good players who are dedicated but down to earth; You need them for a healthy, balanced guild culture that is neither too casual, nor too hardcore. You need them to be the pendulum that swings in between. They are your main executive force.
You need the sub-par players; You need them for social qualities, for wisdom and humor that may be indispensable and unique. You need them so your top players get their occasional extra challenge and feel needed. You also need them because somebody always needs to be the weakest link – it’s better to know yours than to constantly look for a new one.

I don’t wish to be in a guild where every person is exactly like me (despite a healthy narcissism, that’s just boring). Nor do I mind slower learners or players who simply fail at the odd mechanic, and those who might fall behind a little due irregular playtime – as long as you can compensate for them somehow during specific encounters. (Assuming of course that they’re otherwise awesome).

Only, this gradually stopped being the case in WoW after the 40man era. Encounters became highly technical, focused on individual performance and unforgiving in ways that wouldn’t let us make up for lower bracket players – there was suddenly a hard line that wasn’t summary. We could only stand by and watch with increasing frustration as they went through the motions, again and again. We became helpless spectators of our guildmates’ ordeals, despite all guidance given. Worse: they started to become the “enemy”. If 100+ wipes into a boss, the same few people are still stuck at beginner mistakes, it’s human to start feeling resentful.I never wanted to become that other person or find myself in that well-known dilemma of so, so many raidguilds out there. But if I am pushed into the corner of choosing between keeping the bad player and not seeing larger parts of the game’s content in time (which was my motivation to play WoW at all) – then yes, I want the bad players out! I even want established people out who I used to appreciate and tried to support for as long as possible (my guilds have always tried longer than many would). I will make the unhappy choice if forced to; I won’t see an entire raidguild fall apart because the other 80% (and especially top 20%) will start looking elsewhere some time into the stagnation. Hesitating forever is not an option. If you’ve tried all you feel you could and if you intend to stick to the established raiding pace, you must make the choice as a leading team.

It’s no wonder so many good leaderships crack under the pressure of this decision; it sucks beyond comparison (add the issue of recruitment). It will always be one of the big sores for me when looking back on an otherwise great raiding run in WoW. It cured me of being too judgmental about how some guild leaders will act, too (“wear my shoes and see”).Sometimes raidguids change their original philosophy because they are catching the “success bug”; it’s a dangerous place to find yourself in, the upwards spiral of success that many fall for, becoming something else, someone else, forgetting how they started off and with whom. I fully acknowledge this problem. But what we experienced like so many others from the 25man era on, was not of our making; it’s nothing you choose, only what you roll with as good as you can.

To this day, I am deeply resentful; resentful of Blizzard, of the game’s later raid designs that presented my own guild with such a reality. I resent them for putting the focus on the weaker players, without any chance for the rest to step in and make a difference. I resent them for cornering us – for making us choose like this, again and again as the game took its course. Most of all, I resent them for making me that different person. A person with less and less tolerance for team diversity.

What is fairness?

Addendum

Much in this argument is relative, depending on your own personal approach to an MMO like WoW. Maybe you’re the type of raider who wants to be in zero-tolerance guilds and who has always managed to keep clear of such problems. Maybe you’re not even interested in raids. However, for a big number of “mid-bracket raiders” that form the majority in WoW’s endgame and who are in constant competition for recruits, the missing pre-selection mechanisms and highly unforgiving raid mechanics on individual level, are presenting a real struggle and dilemma. There is also the added pressure of the ever-looming next content patch.

The game did not start off like this; raid teams had more leeway, partly due to the nature of bigger 40man raids, partly due to different encounter design. And while many asked for a more even share of responsibility and target focus after WoW 1.0., I don’t believe that Cataclysm raiders benefit from today’s very different situation – no matter what player group they belong to in their own guild. It’s the broken overall streamlining of difficulty combined with a lack of social control that impact negatively on everybody. They present today’s raidguilds with greater struggles than ever, logistically as much as socially and emotionally.

A call for MMO missionaries. Or not.

There’s a particular breed of people I am very weary of. Not scared in a jumping-ship kind of way, but more like “Uh oh…” as I see them approach or worse, join conversation in a social circle I happen to find myself in. Call me biased; but to be completely free of pre-judice is to never learn from experience.

Whenever a sporty person approaches, I am on guard. You can usually tell from the way they are dressed in forceful business casual, their ever-glossy forehead or intolerably energized gait. Not to mention the well-trained shoulders and legs, of course. But before you get the wrong idea – I am all for physical exercise. Indeed, I am making conscious, well-loathed but conscious efforts to stay fit as I am growing older. I am also dreaming of the day that VR helmet and fullbody motion-sensor suit finally arrive, so I can plug them to my PC and play MMOs while having to go through mindbogglingly boring workout routines. If anyone ever tells you they enjoy their workout: be weary. Be very weary.

I am not talking fit people here, but sporty sporty. The ones that will always inevitably steer the conversation to their favorite subject. The ones who have “seen the light” and really think you should too as you receive their well-meant, unasked for dieting tips. You don’t want to be around them, you don’t want them in your clique – they’ll make you walk instead of taking the bus to the bar or bring raw carrots to a movies night. No, I don’t think we mix particularly well, MMO players and sporty people. And I’m not in any way suggesting the ‘overweight, asocial slob’-image here some media are eager to spread about video-gamers. But err….we invented the WoW treadmill, okay? You get my point.

So anyway, there is that 37ish co-worker of mine who fits the profile perfectly. She’s recently been pregnant and ever since (1 year ago now) she’s been talking about her workout, losing baby-fat and how it took her nine months to lose the dreaded last four pounds. She is also thin as a stick, but now she finally radiates inner peace (and cravings for mars bars). Fortunately, she is rarely in the office when I am and I am rarely joining the “lunch faction” that meets up around the kitchen table every day at 13.00.

Only last Friday…I did. It started out innocently, with a chat between myself and my British co-worker who usually works in London and is the only other person with a sense of humor (figures) in the entire company. I was just having a coffee with her, when sporty person came in to join us. Too late to plan for a quick escape route. Rats.

It took exactly 5 minutes for our conversation to go from holiday plans to running shoes. I have since been trying to reproduce the exact order of events but have failed miserably, twice. I don’t know how she worked “so, what brand of sports shoes are you using for running?” into our talk on bed&breakfasts and English cuisine, but I found myself in the lucky position to be asked that exact question. “Ummm….I don’t know”, I answered. “You do have running shoes, right?”, she persisted. Helplessly, I looked down on my two feet. I was wearing my black work shoes, a pair of semi-high heeled, no-name boots which is what I wear half of the year. I guess, I could run with those. For the rest of the time, I wear my comfy five-year old Adidas sneakers. That’s one myth about shoes and handbags dispelled for you.

“I have some shoes….sneakers.” I added. – “What type?”, says she – “The comfy one”, says I. The spotlight beaming at me from the interrogation lamp started to flicker. I could tell she was giving up, but I somewhat saved the situation by mentioning Adidas. At least I was not completely ignorant – too bad that didn’t stop her from educating us both on suitable sports shoes for city jogging for another 15 minutes. Just when I recovered my will to live and was about to mention how utterly moronic and counter-productive running on concrete in the middle of city traffic is for your health, the phone rang for her and she left. Annoying people always get the quick exits handed to them.

Where are the MMO missionaries?

That whole experience got me thinking on my way home later (when highly philosophical, mental monologue frequently occurs). I was trying to remember one single time in my life where somebody tried convincing me to play video games. Or for that matter, any situation where someone, a co-worker or other acquaintance might have picked up the topic in conversation, trying to engage others. Why are there no MMO missionaries? Besides the most obvious answer, that missionaries of any kind are in fact insufferable folk, really – but, where are the video game enthusiasts? Why are they nowhere to be heard, talking about their hobby, infusing others with their interest to the point of truculence?

It’s not a mainstream hobby, I get it. It’s not srs enough for boring work conversation. It’s still a little geeky. But really, how is the world ever going to be a better place without any of us talking about gaming? Do you want a planet ruled by business casual city-joggers?

DO YOU???

So, I’m making this official: from this day on, every week, I will at least once bring up the topic of video games outside this blog, to non-gamers. I will share my positive experiences and encourage others to give it a go sometime. If the topic isn’t going my way, I will make it. I will say things like “…our conference call line? Wait, ever heard about ventrilo? It’s a great, free voice comm tool for PC, people actually use it to play online games together. You know, WoW and stuff right? No? Well, let me tell you…”.

Easy. One recruit a week and soon enough, when I log on to the game in the evening, to unwind and recharge my batteries, I will be surrounded by co-workers. The excel-specialist that never shuts up, the guy with the golfball keyring……the city-jogger….

GAWD.

…I think I just remembered why we want no MMO missionaries!

“Keep it secret – keep it safe!”

Happy Monday to all of you out there, enjoying the peace of united geekdom at their PCs.

How videogames make you sick

I happen to be one of the lucky people who spend 60+ minutes per day (which is an alltime low too, so pity me) in public transportation to get to work, five days a week of buses and trams. After so many years of commuting I have come to loathe it with a passion, being crammed into tiny spaces with lots of smelly people I never chose to meet in the first place, breathing down my neck or smashing their bagpack into my face as they pass my seat; preferably a single one, if I can help it. And it strikes me: PT is a little bit like the “massively multi-player” promise – lots of people, no real cooperation. Everyone is ever eager to catch an empty compartment before having to share one with somebody else.

I am the last one to complain about that, though. I consider it a twisted joke of fate that I should be so dependent on PT, truth be told I am a misanthrope on most days which is why I play MMOs and run an internet blog to reach out to the world behind the veil of blessed anonimity. Right.
Anyway, there I am sitting tired and wet in the tram (gotta love the rain) at 6PM on my way home, when I am joined by a 40-something mother and her little son. I usually stare out of the window, avoiding all eye contact, but I couldn’t help noticing the weird hairdo of the woman – the sort that makes you think somebody put a chamber pot over his head and then cut along the edges. The thing that cracked me up was that the kid had the exact same hair as she did, which made the pair appear like the freakish twins of some monks order on planet Zork or something. Hillarious.

Contemplating fashion trends in far-away galaxies, I was not ready for the conversation which ensued between the 5-ish years old kid and his mother. It was, you guessed right, about videogames and made me wonder fairly soon whether I had not indeed blundered into some fucking parallel universe without me noticing. But this was still the real world, I did check on my smartphone and the internet never lies.

So, the little boy started asking mommy if he’d be allowed to play “the game” tonight. Sadly, I never got enough info out of the conversation to guess at what game it might have been, Kirby’s Wonderland or Call of Duty 3 (which I doubt considering the mother’s hairdo). He kept nagging her about it, you could tell he was really into it. Mom not so. When ignoring him and the continuous repetition of “no, you won’t tonight” didn’t show desired effect, she started explaining: “No, you can’t play honey, these games will make you horribly sick again.” Instantly I did wonder: had this kid maybe played Wii-Sports at zero degree temperature in the backyard? Had he accidentally swallowed a button from his XBOX pad?

“Yes you will honey, they make children horribly sick”, she continued. “You remember the nightmares you got after that evening at Samuel’s house? That’s what the games do. You get really bad dreams and you can’t sleep anymore”. So, there you got it – only it didn’t end there. She went on explaining how games really spread this mysterious sickness and how it had befallen most of his friends in pre-school, that it was horribly contagious. And I could see it before my waking eye: the evil cyber-virus, spread by Koopa Troopas and piranha plants shooting out of green pipes. Beware the contagion!

All the while, mirrored in the window glass, I watched the little boy’s face. You could tell that he bought his mother’s shit and that it was really her humbug tale more than anything that started to scare him. I wondered how I would’ve felt if somebody had tried to convince me that Pacman and Wonderboy were out to get me at the age of five; how it would’ve poisoned one of the few places in my life that were safe – an untouched shelter, an island of my own. I wondered too, briefly, if I might get away with smacking someone straight in the face in the middle of a crowded tram, but scratch that.

I hate people like that; people who think to protect others is to scare them. People who scare others because they are scared and ignorant themselves. Parents who won’t give their children the chance to deal with the reality of the times they are born into, so they can be outcasts among their peers. People who don’t think or choose the lazy way. People cruel enough to cut their son’s hair like Matthew Broderick in friggin’ Ladyhawke.

I wonder what wild tales she is going to tell him when he starts asking to watch TV. Or play rock music, uh-oh. I hope Samuel invites him back real soon and that he has the sense to tell his mother he’s off to play football.

I’m still here

Things have been quiet on the blog lately and I feel shamefully neglectful of this place. Two months, are you serious? Who disappears like that? I suck and have been feeling bad about it, no excuses.

Still, there are reasons of course, some external, some internal. It’s not that there are no more things to write or read, but that for me there needs to be a certain peace of mind to allow for inspiration and creativity – not just available time to sit down and delve into your thoughts (for time is rarely the issue when people say it is), but energy and “room” in your mind to do so and let go of the day’s weight. I’m sure many understand what I mean by that. Even if I read other bloggers, I like to take my time to comment and really read what others have written.
I’m not a journalist and I never want to be; I don’t produce texts by the dozens, by the deadline, by demand. When I write I get lost, consumed somewhere far away and my mind shuts itself completely to my surroundings (tricky business if you attempt to speak to me at such times – the house better be on fire). There is a quiet and magical place at the other side, one you don’t get to force yourself into. One that has pulled at me all my life and at times swept me away completely. One that’s made me drunk with joy at times and utterly miserable at others. That’s why I write; for that rare and precious hour, that sensation when the mind flies and all you can do is hoping to keep up.

There’s no place I’d rather dwell but alas, right now that door’s heavier than usual. My mind is so pre-occupied with repainting the props of my life that it’s been hard to switch off. Moving back to another region, finding a new home, starting a new job and coordinating everything with a second person. Scary times. Exciting but scary. So, I apologize for not updating the blog as frequently as I’d like right now. There are many topics in my mental pipeline and even more sitting half-written in my inbox, but all my daily attention is used for breathing, making a step at a time and keeping all the lose ends from unfurling. Good thing that I am not exactly expecting a great deal of MMO excitement until 2012, anyway (it’s no secret that I’m waiting on Guild Wars 2).

What I’ve been doing mostly, besides organizing and worrying, is letting my mind wander and be distracted; I’ve read about 6 books last month (really recommending The Book of Lost Things to you and The Lies of Locke Lamora), watched new movies, listened to old tunes on my PC (of which I will share some soon, promise) and played the odd game, some Torchlight and Bastion…and then: Skyrim.
The Elder Scrolls V are back with a vengeance and I cannot begin to describe how much I’ve been enjoying myself with this game the past week. The world of Skyrim is huge and breath-taking, full of adventure, the road not taken…and dragons! Lots of them!!!

I do not recall when I’ve last been sucked into a virtual world so completely – probably when WoW was still in its prime. And sure, the game has its flaws too, the UI functionality and messy combat among them, but these are no hindrance whatsoever to enjoy the vast, open world, the quests and funny dialogues hidden everywhere. Maybe it’s because I’m somewhat new to Tamriel, but I am completely awed by the size, well-balanced physique and natural beauty accomplished here by Bethesda – the sky is the limit, indeed! So, whether you’ve only got time to wander around a little or let yourself be immersed in the main story completely, Skyrim is the biggest RPG deal out there currently for all you high fantasy lovers! That goes for those too who are currently swinging that Wii-mote for extra heart containers.

Needless to say, I created a female imperial mage/healer-hybrid and have already started to collect some shinies. While my initial impression of the characters and apparel in Skyrim was somewhat ‘meh’, I’ve come across several gems on my way (and now that I have my own house there’s space to store them properly!) and I’ve also been playing around with some console commands. Silly to collect gear in an offline game you say? I can live with that. Although I gotta agree: if this game was online or co-op at least, that would be too good to be true.

In any case, it’s exciting to play a game that’s only just come out – there’s not that much (accurate) info on armor in Skyrim out there yet and even less pictures, which is why I’m going to take some screenshots this week and intend to include them in a follow-up post on Skyrim ‘cosmetic’ gear and nice gear models. So, consider this a prelude – and a warm hello from me to everybody who stepped in here today! =)

365 days in wonderland

365 days ago, I opened this blog to create a space for my endless thoughts on online gaming, my passion that is virtual fantasy worlds and role playing games. I also opened it so I would commit to more regular writing and to have a project that would keep me in touch with close friends who walked Azeroth’s paths by my side for many years. My journey into the world of MMOs did not begin here, but it has certainly taken a turn for the more serious with World of Warcraft and opening Raging Monkeys, by now known as Raging Monkey’s.

It is odd considering the blog is one year old. It certainly doesn’t feel that way, maybe because there were never set expectations, except to walk the road to see where it takes me, as long as I am enjoying it. When it comes to writing, I trust that you should write what you know and that’s what I attempted here and still attempt every week. Especially during the past three months, I have felt more and more relaxed with my posting schedule and believe I have somewhat found my voice – if not my zen when it comes to editing typos.

I have been told that blogs not dedicating themselves to one strict topic, have a harder time out there – that may be true. Yet, I have found that there are a great many voices and ears to be found in this blogosphere who have a similar, more generalist interest in MMO worlds, their complex design and fascinating dynamics. There is an endless list of topics to write about, so diverse is this phenomenon uniting millions of people around the globe. I have come across a great many bloggers during this year who share my fascination and appreciate a variety in discussion, whether their own blogs have a more game-exclusive focus or game design-centric one. Some topics concern us all. I was surprised and delighted about the positive feedback and warm welcome RM received from the very beginning and I am happy to find myself in the company of so many insightful and passionate bloggers in a blogosphere I am still exploring.

I know about common “bloggaversary traditions”, but we all deal differently with birthdays. In real life, not all of us like to celebrate in the same way, or less and less every year. I used to be this kind of person the past few years – one not raising much fuss about her birthday, no big parties, no lofty presents. I don’t know why or when exactly I lost my enthusiasm so completely, but this year I have decided it’s going to be different. In fact, I just invited my first bunch of friends to the party (still 3 months away) yesterday. It will probably end up being a very casual, cosy event anyway, but I will make it a day worth a memory, at least. Sometimes we should turn back the pages and allow ourselves to dwell on what we achieved. We tend to easily forget.

I guess by now more regular readers of Raging Monkey’s know me a little by the way I write and the topics I choose and God knows why it is you keep reading. That’s the big, eternal question for every writer, even the most famous and acclaimed: why do people like to read this? Maybe that’s what really keeps you writing and keeps your writing fresh. I truly think knowing the “recipe to success” would be the end – trying to copy old achievements, paralyzing yourself and thus putting an end to all growth. To write great texts is about being afraid. Just like a pro actor still feels nervous before stepping into the limelight. We reveal a lot of ourselves by publishing our thoughts.

Now, if you were only just chancing upon this small space in the blogosphere though, if this was the first day you ever set step on Raging Monkey’s – what would I tell you?

I could tell you maybe that I strongly believe MMOs should be about a journey into wonderland; that we should be travelers and adventurers on a fantastic road; that we should be pioneers there; heroes and creators, not just consumers. That for me, our time there is about stories and memories. Sometimes memories most of all.
Or I could tell you how often I laugh at the ironic and silly, that some of my favorite articles are those that made me laugh while writing and hopefully achieved the same with a handful of readers. I like to give my serious eyebrow a rest sometime which is why I often dedicate Fridays to more frivolous enterprises. There’s many blogs that I love for their author’s humor alone.
I should point out that I have a deep interest for the social mechanics and psychology behind MMOs; the idea of virtual communities, the reality and struggles of guild leading, the social acceptance of gaming as a hobby and pastime. I could tell you that I feel no shame to be a gamer and neither should you.
My most controversial post? Probably one on playtime. The most popular? Hard to say as joystiq & Co. have had too big an impact stat-wise and we are usually not the best judge of ourselves. As far comments go, I should probably leave exploration diaries to others though. My most personal posts? Here, here and here. My personal favorite? Easy. Other bloggers I read regularly and recommend? All on my blogroll, all awesome writers on their own account. Be sure to pay them a visit!

If you asked me whether I am the wiser for any of the 120+ articles I have written, I hope I am not. I’d write each of them again the same way, je ne regrette rien. Very rarely have I felt the nervous tingle about a line of mine and then decided to run with it no matter what. I believe in authenticity and that the best writing takes courage at times. The few times very popular sites linked to one of my articles, I got a troll commenter or two, that was it. But whether it is a huge gaming network or single blogger linking to something I said, I feel equally flushed and humbled every time. There’s no real accounting for why somebody links to you or comments on your articles, but it would be a lie to claim that it doesn’t add a lot of meaning and joy to what you are doing. To me, the ideal article is one where dialogue and discussion spring from, be it on site or somewhere else. That and laughter and mirth of course – those above all any day.

I want to thank all of you for your support (and tolerance for textwalls!), those lending this blog their ear from the very beginning, as much as those joining in later or stepping by once, be it as a reader or commenter. I thank those adding their own thoughts, supportive or critical, inspiring me to more of my own, during many enlightening discussions. I have come a long way in some of my judgments on MMO aspects, thanks to people speaking up, offering alternative views or pointing me further. This is what I write and comment for and what keeps things fresh and interesting.

With that I close this first bloggaversary on Raging Monkey’s. As for the next year, I don’t believe in forecasts and promises – I can only promise that absolutely nothing will change on this blog. And now finally for that cake!

Musings on time and travel

Time is an interesting thing. Such fixed a measure, the same amount of time can pass in a heartbeat or seem like an ordeal that will never end. When there’s a busy day of work ahead, the same time that usually has you listening to the monotonous clicking of the clock for hours will fly by like a sudden breeze. On the other hand, a week full on activities and new impressions will feel much longer a span; when you do absolutely nothing for days on end, the blessed holidays will be over in one dull series of waking up and closing your eyes. Time is paradoxical like that.

When I journeyed to southern Ireland a good two weeks ago, I was reminded of that interesting quality of time – the way our individual perception of it can change and its (at least) dual nature. My partner and I don’t fly, as in we don’t use airplanes. I have flown a few times before as a teenager, but never again after college. As for him, he wouldn’t get close a “flying prison” if his life depended on it. As a consequence, we travel by car, train, bus, bike and on foot which suits me fine really because I never particularly enjoyed 10’000 meters above ground and as a child my parents never took us anywhere by airplane either. So, while there are personal and environmental reasons for both of us, I simply like traveling the long road. I like to know where I’m going – I like to experience it, feel it, smell it. The journey is at least half of why I even bother going anywhere and I find an almost meditative repose for myself in being on the road. It’s when I’m usually at my most creative too.

The whole journey took us around 26 hours (one way) including several breaks and two ferries. We were appointed to meet two friends there who live close to us and made the journey by plane, therefore embarking a day later. What was a very long drive for us, multiple coffee breaks and an eventually rather stiff neck, was one people’s magazine and two rounds of soda for them in an air-conditioned seat. And yet, when we finally arrived at the B&B with them waving in the drive-way, I thought how weird it must have felt to wait for us and miss out on things we had gone through to arrive at exactly the same place. Maybe (most probably) it was just me who noticed it though; we just had so much more to tell and show for. Like some of the most brilliant coastways we had passed through on the way. Like riding one of the fastest Catamaran ferries of Europe (feeling seasick and then overjoyed to feel solid ground under your feet once more). Meeting that lovely old couple who would tell us about their long life of travels together. Driving through a tunnel far below the ocean. Smelling the increasingly salty sea breeze as you approach the first coast line. Feeling the spray on your face with anticipation. I would not trade that for the world.

We saw so many things on the way, the journey felt fast although it wasn’t. All the while our friends “saved time” by skipping the road; yet they ended up at exactly the same point as us and they hadn’t really benefited on the extra time either. If anything, they spent more time waiting before the go, staring at a suitcase and then checking out the area a bit while they waited for us. They certainly had nothing to tell when we met up. Which ultimately brought me to the following conclusion: we gain no time by saving time. Subjectively speaking, we stretch time by filling it and thus feeling fulfilled or at least active. Cutting things short has the opposite effect: eventually we feel like we did nothing at all, simply because we experienced less and our perception of time feels shorter. The more time you “save”, the less time you feel you’ve had. Mostly because you cannot treat time like some currency: just because you save time now, doesn’t mean you’ll make good/better use of it later or beforehand, it doesn’t quite work that way. At best, it’s a trade-off between definite opportunities and potential ones. Meanwhile, time keeps flowing without pause. Really, we might as well enjoy our travels, inside and outside our virtual homes.

Anyway, I am back now.

Back in a bit

Another busy week of blogging is coming to an end, although I started off thinking that this would be my week of slack. But then the damn rain never stopped, hasn’t stopped for 3 weeks now, while I keep hearing friends in England and the US complaining about the heat wave of the century. It’s friggin’ July – and it rains down here and roasts up there…the world is going to the dogs, mark my words.

Anyway, today’s gonna be a short post (*cough*). A note really to let you know that I’m off, off to green shores, rocky beaches and ivy-clad castles, wahey! During that time Raging Monkey’s will remain silent while the squirells give things here a good cleaning and dusting. Business will continue as usual by the third week of August.

Timing probably couldn’t be better; I’ve been wondering a little about the blogosphere lately, how quiet and melancholic it’s been in places, until somebody actually reminded me that it’s SUMMER and that’s what happens usually during this time of the year y’know, the activity curve plunges inside and outside our virtual homes. That made me laugh – shows just how much I’m not in the loop right now, out of guild and server life, raid and progress agendas. And a good thing, too.

I also really blame the pitiful weather of course. Which is why I am off now, friends, off to pack my bags and get away – Ireland here I come!

…You can stop laughing now.
Yes, I have packed that rain coat and umbrella. (Wish me luck)
A fantastic summer break to everyone, those staying at home or hitting the road! Be seeing you! =)

The napkin analogy

I believe in balance. Not to mistake with total equilibrium, an absence of all emotion and not in the sense of mellow or mediocre – but in the sense that the world needs variety and different forces pulling into different directions at all time, so the bowl won’t topple over. The older I get, I believe in such balance and freedom for myself and my personal life, too. It’s difficult to accept and yet a relief at times, as paradoxical as that sounds. Darkness and light.

I believe in strong opinions, not to mistake for extreme opinions. I don’t believe in extremes, although when it comes to some political questions I don’t believe in the middle, either. But then, the middle means something else there altogether.

Strong opinions, different opinions are a good thing. They don’t make life easier or decisions necessarily swifter, but they make things a great deal better. For one thing, they make for interesting discussions where an open ear is assumed. More informed and thoughtful decisions. Most importantly, they maintain balance. What a scary thing would it be if we were all the same, always and in every aspect; if too large a group of people in a society were in complete and utter agreement on all the important concerns. What would ever save us from radical extremism, if we never disagreed?

So this is the end,” Tanis said. “Good has triumphed.”
“Good? Triumph?” Fizban repeated, turning to stare at the half-elf shrewdly. “Not so, Half-Elven. The balance is restored. The evil dragons will not be banished. They remain here, as do the good dragons. Once again the pendulum swings freely.”
“All this suffering, just for that?” Laurana asked, coming to stand beside Tanis. “Why shouldn’t good win, drive the darkness away forever?”
“Haven’t you learned anything, young lady?” Fizban scolded, shaking a bony finger at her. “There was a time when good held sway. Do you know when that was? Right before the Cataclysm!” [Dragons of Spring Dawning; M. Weis & T. Hickman]

The napkin analogy – A fond memory

When I was still teaching teenage 10th-graders whom today’s society calls the “under-privileged”, I tried to include analogies and graphic or figurative examples as often as I could when attempting to illustrate a more complex matter. I’m a very visual person myself and I believe in the lasting effect of using several channels at once for education (as many senses as possible). It’s frankly also a lot more fun. So, on the subject of political extremism, when discussing contemporary politics in class together one day, I returned with a stack of red napkins after morning break. The idea had occurred to me while listening to my students discussing extremist riots (which had occurred at the time), the legitimacy of such acts on behalf of values and political viewpoints, the whole “left versus right” debate and who’s worse and why. Uh-oh.

I could just have talked about how extremism is always cruel, no matter coming from what direction. That it’s destructive and wrong and comes in fact down to the exact same thing, left or right, because it leaves no room for anything or anyone else. That it is tyranny and tolerates none other, the opposite of balance and freedom of choice. Oh, I believe in social(ist) values a great deal more than I believe in free markets and lower taxes (*cough*); but I do not believe in burning containers and smashed windows, no matter who’s throwing the stones. I don’t want that – I don’t want extremism.

To simplify just that, how opposite extremes boil down to the same and become a totalitarian system – that’s right, the napkins! I had cut them a little in order to make for the shape I wanted, basically an arrow shape pointing in two directions. I gave one to each student with the explicit request to wait for further instructions (skip this and the time to penis is on you faster than you could ever dream). It was a collective exercise in the following easy steps, accompanied a few simple questions for my audience.

/enter wise voice….

Me: “So, hold the napkin horizontally between both hands. What do we have here? Basically a pole at each end of the napkin, completely and utterly opposed, out there at the very edge of each side. Right? Great!”

“Now, fold the napkin right through the middle. Where lie the opposite ends now?”

Them: “At exactly the same spot.”

Me: “What happened to the middle?”

Them: “It’s been folded / It’s gone.”

Me: “Now, if you look at that new shape holding it up in one hand, where is its one end?”

Them: “It’s at the top.”

Me: “Where is everything else?”

Them: “Below it.”
-pause-
Them: “Ahhh..”

That’s when some eyes grew larger as insight grew within them. That’s where I got to nod with a satisfactory smile, that province of the insufferable and teaching. Sometimes a nutshell is all you need to make it stick. And if not, well then it was good manual exercise.

This article is dedicated to yesterday’s topic. And also, to recent blog discussions, to strong opinions demanding to be heard and to those who are able to listen.

Ain’t no shame where there’s fun

Two weeks ago, Stubborn had an interesting article up where he compares the more grindy and reward-driven activities in WoW to gambling addiction. Now, discussions on video game addiction are always very problematic: while some ingame activities might resemble or share aspects of addictive behaviour, there are quite some hefty criteria for truly constituting “addiction” in the pathological sense of an illness. For one thing, its highly negative and disruptive impact on everyday life, to a point where the addiction stands above all other needs and the most basic cares will be neglected. For another, signals such as substance increase and withdrawal symptoms. Just because somebody is crazy about an activity and enjoys doing it a lot, or has a very competitive nature, does not automatically expose him as addict – although, there are no doubt extreme cases of video gaming where all these factors coincide.

However, it’s no secret that MMO design appeals to patterns and behavioural routines of the human subconscious. Some developers speak openly about triggering the collector’s drive of their player base or the “lever-reward” mechanic when designing content. Videogames are manipulative; we all know that. But as long as it’s fun, we’re happy to go along.

Most of the time, anyway.

I remember an old article at PPI, where Larísa pondered the heavy chains of daily quests and how she felt pressured to go through boring routines every time she logged on, when she didn’t actually enjoy them anymore. She was far from alone: many players in MMOs engage in time-consuming and repetitive activities, called the “grind”, which they loathe but will tolerate in order to gain rewards. They spend insane amounts of time forcing themselves to repeat content, reward drive and peer pressure usually winning the upper hand of the struggle. Wikipedia has the following to say about this sort of behaviour:

Compulsive behavior is behavior which a person does compulsively—in other words, not because they want to behave that way, but because they feel they have to do so.

Personally, I’ve always hated daily quests and rep grinds; I kept them at a minimum if I could, although being in a raid guild simply comes with certain “obligations”. The fact that I didn’t enjoy stuff like gaining exalted with the Sons of Hodir or collecting cooking tokens showed me that I was still relatively sane though. That is not to say that I never entered boring grinds completely out of my own volition: I did, I was running the same instances for months and years after all and a few times I farmed mobs for special rewards that I simply considered too shiny to skip. For most of the time though, I’d only undergo this type of drudgery if I really had to. I was very lazy that way.

It still baffles me how daily and rep grinds have become such an accepted form for gaining rewards in MMOs, while players will consider more varied and orchestrated forms of reward-gain, like attunement chains, a nuisance. I don’t want to start counting the hours and days players spend on cashing in the same quest item at the same daily quest NPC. How is that activity more fun than other so-called “time sinks”?

It can’t be bad if it’s fun

I’ve always been very outspoken against gaming bias and stigma, very pro “play as much as you like” as long as you’re enjoying yourself. And I hold to that. I won’t hide my playtime from anyone and I feel no shame for all the hours spent in front of a TV or PC, adventuring through virtual planes and having some of the greatest laughs ever. There is nothing wrong with having fun – and only you know if that applies or if some things are maybe slightly off balance. But just because you’re doing a lot of the same doesn’t make you a “junkie”. It can’t be a bad thing if you are enjoying yourself.

A good 13 years back, my older brother was what the average person would call a bad gaming addict. He rushed off to get a copy of Ultima Online when many private households didn’t even have a PC with internet yet, logging in every day with a crappy 30k and later 56k (omg!) modem, blocking our phone line and driving my parents crazy. This was the time when internet access was still horrendously expensive, charging minutes and hours per day before the first subscriptions came out, our monthly phone bill ranging in the area of 1500 Euros for the first few months of his “UO spree”. There was nothing that would keep my brother from playing this game; not the many keyboards and mouses my father removed several times, only to be replaced within the next 24 hours, not the smashed modem on the wall which my brother then cunningly hid inside a book case.

I remember sitting next to him on his bed countless nights, watching him play in silence – trying to spend some time with my sibling, or is physical shell anyway, while his mind was absorbed somewhere in Britannia. I remember finding him asleep, crashed halfway to the way of his bed one morning, I remember the dirty, stained desk with leftover food and cigarette ash. I remember his intricate list of directions for me to log into the game each week and “refresh his towers” while he was off to obligatory military service, terrified to lose his virtual possessions. It was a mad ride but it’s all my brother wanted at the time. I remember him roaring from laughter in front of his PC, chatting with his pals on MirC. The game certainly didn’t make him miserable.

After what was probably a good 3 years of intense Ultima Online gaming and a dark red player killer reputation to go with it, my brother had finally flunked his studies at University. Add an angry girlfriend to go with that, unhappy parents and some considerable debts for an unemployed student of his age to pay them back. And yet, to this day, my brother has the following to say about his UO days: that it was some of the best times he’s had in his life. To this day, there’s not a little regret for having played that MMO – regrets for never graduating sometime surely, but never regrets for playing the way he did.

…because these things were not directly connected. And he’d admit to that, in a quiet moment sometime over a good glass of wine in the evening, he’d tell you that he had plenty of good reasons to play as much as he did at the time.The game was there when he needed an excuse, a trigger to smash what needed smashing sooner or later. And yes, he did play too much; but he would never have finished those studies anyway. It was not for him, and I think by now he knows that too. The game was just there at a time when he needed to escape. Escape the expectations of adult life maybe, his girlfriend’s, his parents’. The game was fun and fun became an outlet. A place to rest, even if a mere onlooker could never understand and would no doubt blame his gaming addiction for everything.

My brother enjoyed playing as much as he did. It wasn’t great on all accounts, but neither was the game the cause of his deeper issues. Excessive gaming is at worst a symptom of an underlying issue and sometimes it can help a person and act as a catalyst. Maybe it has the power to let someone re-invent himself in a way he otherwise never could. Maybe it gives somebody a break, a place where he can be himself without the physical or mental ties that usually bind him. Maybe it can offer acceptance and affirmation to a hungry soul. Maybe it simply has the power to let a lonely heart find a place to chat and laugh with people of no further consequence.

Maybe it grants someone an escape in a time of deep distress; and maybe it has the power to let a person heal through difficult times before rising the stronger for it. Life is about breaks and sometimes it’s about phases of stasis or even paralysis. We are so used to rushing on blindly and pushing forward that we feel guilty to take timeouts for ourselves. Everyone is telling us to be productive, constructive, decisive. Yet, it is exactly during times of standing still and sinking deep where life has a chance to reshape and re-orientate, where we have a chance to listen more closely. It’s not always the best of feelings; waiting, standing in that empty white room between two doors before life turns the next page. For myself though, I am learning to embrace empty spaces. There is something unique and comforting about a white page, about not knowing where the road will lead.

Escape can be a way to return, just like sleep can be a way to recharge your batteries. I’m not sure the same should be said of all forms of escapism, such as substance addiction – for gaming however, I hold a torch for those that either play a lot for pure enjoyment or for catching their breath. Or both. Maybe both most of the time.

What I wish for you

To close, I feel I am left with two humble wishes –

I wish for players to enjoy their online adventures and enjoy them plenty.
I wish for players to be less ashamed of playing games.